The Death Tournament of Death
Announcer: In a time, at a sink...wait, no, in a place...things happened, terrible things......
Sam: I'm bored.
Jared: Yeah.
Sam: You know what we should do?
Jared: Host a deadly Death Tournament of Death?
Sam: ...Actually, I wanted to go to Marketplace and buy drinks, but that sounds more interesting!
Jared: I know, let's get started!
Sam: Wait, where are we gonna hold this thing?
Jared: I know! *disappears*
Sam: Oookay then...
*few minutes later*
Jared: *returns* I took Shang Tsung's island by storm, so we can use that.
Sam: Uhh...but...originality...death...where do get the funds for this, too?
*silence, Sam and Jared look at each other*
*few minutes later*
AT KAIBA CORP...
Sam: So you see, a deadly Death Tournament of Death would really be a good investment for the future!
Seto: *stops typing on his computer for a second* ...You're kidding, right? I'm busy now, get out of my office.
Sam: But
Seto: I'll see you later.
Sam: But-
Seto: No buts.
Sam: But-
Seto: Shut up!
Sam: ..........................But-
Seto: *sigh* You know what? Fine. But not now.
Sam: B- wait, really? Awesome! When then? When huh, when? When when when when when?!?!?!?!?!?!
Seto: N-
Sam: ...?!?!?!?
Seto: ...Next week.
Sam: =O Next WEEK?! But I want bloody death tournament deathy bloody fun noOOoOoOoOoOOOoOOoWWwwwWWwWWww...!!
Seto: >.>" Next. Week. Okay?
Sam: ...Okay! =D But! You, have to participate! Ciao! *disappears*
Seto: ...What? *shakes head, goes back to typing whatever the hell he was typing earlier before this nonsense*
ONE WEEK LATER...
Jared: We have finished the arena!!!
Sam: Awesome! And with this cheap Nemesis labor, it's been done in only a week! I sure hope Seto doesn't decide this is a waste of funds...if he does, we're both dying horrible, horrible deaths.
Jared: Speaking of horrible deaths. *presses button and the meat grinder starts spinning* There we go, all set. I got this today, good as new.
Sam: That's one big meat grinder. I'd hate to fall into that thing.
Jared: You wanna test it?
Sam: Uh...not right now. Have you informed the people on your side about the tournament yet? Because you know, it won't be much of a tournament without contestants.
Jared: ...No I haven't.
Sam: Well, I sent out letters to my people ages ago! You better tell them now!
Jared: And I will do so.
MEANWHILE...
Samaya: *checking her mail and finds a large pink envelope* What's this...? *opens it*
Letter: Dear Samaya and Seth: You have been cordially invited to participate as contestants in our first annual Death Tournament of Death. Please consider our offer, as there is the chance of getting to the top and claiming the grand prize of awesomeness, and to be known throughout our ring of friends as the Champion of Death. Should you decide to enter, please have battle outfits and a weapon ready made for the tournament on April 18th. If you do not, a potato sack and a stick will be provided. Please keep in mind that this is your choice to make, and should you reject our offer, you will only be forced to watch the tournament with whoever else chickens out, along with a bunch of hicks who haven't bathed in months and like to spit. Be aware of the risks involved and freshen up your skills in battle, for even as an audience, there are risks. We hope to see you soon! =D
Yours truly, Sam and Jared.
Samaya: ..What the hell...she- they're not serious, are they?!
Seth: *reading over her shoulder* Are they ever not serious about stupid things like this?
Samaya: ...Good point. But come on, a death tournament? Of Death!?
Jared: *appears out of nowhere* A Death Tournament! Capitalize the D and the T, you fool! *disappears*
Samaya: ... *sigh* Ugh, hicks? What?! Damn it to hell!
Seth: And potato sacks...
Samaya: Do we really have a choice...?
MEANWHILE...
Kari: *checking her mail, finds a large pink floral printed envelope* What's this? Oh, it's from Sammy... *opens it*
Letter: Dear Kari and Ryou: You have been cordially invited to participate as contestants in our first annual Death Tournament of Death. Please consider our offer, as there is the chance of getting to the top and claiming the grand prize of awesomeness, and to be known throughout our ring of friends as the Champion of Death. Should you decide to enter, please have battle outfits and a weapon ready made for the tournament on April 18th. If you do not, a potato sack and a stick will be provided. Please keep in mind that this is your choice to make, and should you reject our offer, you will only be forced to watch the tournament with whoever else chickens out, and see you closest friends meet their demise, because you were not there for them to fight. Be aware of the risks involved and freshen up your skills in battle, for even as an audience, there are risks. We hope to see you soon! =D
Yours truly, Sam and Jared.
Kari: *tear* A, a what? Death? Tournament? Of Death?! RYOU!!!
Ryou: What is it? *takes the letter and reads it* ...Oh my. We have to fight? o.O
Jared: *appears out of nowhere* Yup. *disappears*
Kari: And if we don't, someone could get hurt! Wait, that contradicts itself!
Ryou: Um...do we really have a choice?
MEANWHILE...
Grage: *supposed to be checking the mail and is sitting around eating doughnuts instead*
Vlaid: *walks into the kitchen* So, did we get anything interesting today?
Grage: Mmph? *shrug*
Vlaid: ...You didn't check, did you. *sigh* Fine, I'll do it. *sorts through mail* Ew, what is this? *takes a large pink envelope away from the rest and opens it* It's for both of us...
Letter: Dear Grage and Vlaid: You have been cordially invited to participate as contestants in our first annual Death Tournament of Death. Please consider our offer, as there is the chance of getting to the top and claiming the grand prize of awesomeness, and to be known throughout our ring of friends as the Champion of Death. Should you decide to enter, please have battle outfits and a weapon ready made for the tournament on April 18th. If you do not, a potato sack and a stick will be provided. Please keep in mind that this is your choice to make, and should you reject our offer, you will only be forced to watch the tournament with whoever else chickens out, along with Kain, Ezekiel, Alucard, and a lot of other annoying people. Be aware of the risks involved and freshen up your skills in battle, for even as an audience, there are risks. We hope to see you soon! =D
Yours truly, Sam and Jared.
Vlaid: ...A Death Tournament...of Death?
Grage: *mouth full of doughnuts* Wht he hel ish at?
Vlaid: I don't know...exactly what it sounds like, I presume.
Jared: *appears out of nowhere* That's right! *thumbs up and disappears*
Vlaid: So...
Grage: *snatches letter and reads it* ...Wht?! *spits out doughnut everywhere* EZEKIEL?! KAIN?! SCREW THAT!!!
Vlaid: *covered in spit out doughnut* ...Was that...really necessary?
Grage: Huh? Oh, sorry. *picks up another doughnut and takes a bite* These are good...
Vlaid: Anyway... >.>" *wipes doughnut residue away* About this thing...do we really have a choice...?
MEANWHILE...
Kaian: *walks in his house with mail and stuff* Is anyone here?! Hmm... whatever. *closes door and goes to kitchen and sits down* Let's see what I got today. What's this? *pulls out a large black envelope, opens it and starts reading it*
Letter: Dear Kaian and Kaolla: You have been cordially invited to participate as contestants in our first annual Death Tournament of Death. Please consider our offer, as there is the chance of getting to the top and claiming the grand prize of awesomeness, and to be known throughout our ring of friends as the Champion of Death. Should you decide to enter, please have battle outfits and weapons ready made for the tournament on April 18th. If you do not, a potato sack and a stick will be provided. Please keep in mind that this is your choice to make, and should you reject our offer, you will only be forced to watch the tournament with whoever else chickens out, and will be tied to a chair and listen to the very boring intermissions featuring special input from Seth about his new invention, the toothbrush. We will also kill your family. Be aware of the risks involved and freshen up your skills in battle, for even as an audience, there are risks. We hope to see you soon! =D
Yours truly, Jared and Sam.
Kaian: No one kills my family and lives. *gets up and heads for the door*
Kaolla: *runs to him* HEY KAI- *gets picked up and carried out the door* Ow, careful.
Jared: *appears* You'd better- ... *looks around* Oh. *disappears*
MEANWHILE...
Matthew: Look what I found. It's a black envelope.
Seth and Geri: What you find?
Matthew: A black envelope. *opens it and reads it aloud*
Letter: Dear Matthew, Geri and Seth: You have been cordially invited to participate as contestants in our first annual Death Tournament of Death. Please consider our offer, as there is the chance of getting to the top and claiming the grand prize of awesomeness, and to be known throughout our ring of friends as the Champion of Death. Should you decide to enter, please have battle outfits and weapons ready made for the tournament on April 18th. If you do not, a potato sack and a stick will be provided. Please keep in mind that this is your choice to make, and should you reject our offer, you will only be forced to watch the tournament with whoever else chickens out, have your flying shoes stolen, your labs exploded, and sprayed with water so you rust. Be aware of the risks involved and freshen up your skills in battle, for even as an audience, there are risks. We hope to see you soon! =D
Yours truly, Sam and Jared.
Matthew: No one sprays me with water!
Geri: NO ONE STEALS MY FLYING SHOES!!
Seth: No one steals my shoes...
Matthew & Geri: *stare*
Seth: ...Or exploded my lab!
Matthew: Right...whatever.
Jared: *appears* You'd better come! Or I'll stabbith you! *disappears*
Matthew: Alright then, let's blow this popsicle stand!
Everyone: *disappears*
MEANWHILE...
Jared: Where else are we going?
Sam: ...Shut up. Well, so this won't be completely boring, I thought we should round up some people from other realms! Here's a small list... *hands over a huge Santa Claus's naughty list like list*
Jared: I see, instead of bringing everyone here, why don't we just pick the best that we think are the best?
Sam: ...You need a grammar class. Anyway, the people we don't pick to be contestants can fill up the remaining audience spaces. So...let's get sorting.
SOME HOURS LATER...
Sam: So, okay then. The real, Death Note realm L is dead, but we COULD just use the one from the Vampire Realm! Also, if we asked Ed to come, we could tell him this is his chance to exact his revenge upon me! =D
Jared: Yeah, and Naruto, everyone loves Naruto!
Naruto haters: We resent that!
Sam: SHADDAP! *throws a stone and hits their leader*
Rest of Naruto haters: OH NO! We are leaderless! SCRAMBLE!! *all flail about and have random seizures*
Sam: Now that that's out of the way, sure let's have Naruto here...
Jared: I know! Let's alert, *puts on shades* the nerd herd.
*lightning flashes*
Sam: Right...I'll do that. *picks up phone and dials* Dana da, dana DA na... *brriiing* Hello? Is Yugi there? Okay...hello? Hi Yugi, it's Sam. Do you have a fax machine? No? Well you do now. Okay, just leave it on for a minute, okay? Okay. *hangs up*
MEANWHILE...
Yugi: Hello? Hello? She hung up...huh. *turns around*
Jounouchi: What was that all about, Yug?
Yugi: I don't know, Sam said something about a fax, and-
Anzu: Hey Yugi, when did you get this cool fax machine?
Honda: Yeah, it's like, all new and stuff.
Yugi: Huh? I don't have a-
Fax machine: *starts whirring, and a fax is printed out*
Yugi: Oh...what do you know...what is this anyway? *picks up paper that has printed out and reads it*
Paper: Dear Nerd Herd and Pharaoh has been: You have been cordially invited to participate as contestants in our first annual Death Tournament of Death. Please consider our offer, as there is the chance of getting to the top and claiming the grand prize of awesomeness, and to be known throughout our ring of friends as the Champion of Death. Should you decide to enter, Please have battle outfits and weapons ready made for the tournament on April 18th. If you do not, a potato sack and a stick will be provided. Please keep in mind that this is your choice to make, and should you reject our offer, you will only be forced to watch the tournament with whoever else chickens out, and be thrown into the meat grinder when it is over. Be aware of the risks involved and freshen up your skills in battle, for even as an audience, there are risks. We hope to see you soon! =D
Yours truly, Sam and Jared.
Yugi: A Tournament?
Jounouchi: What, really? Wow, it's been ages since I last dueled!
Anzu: What are you talking about, you were dueling with Yugi just a few minutes ago.
Honda: Well you can't blame him...he lost so quickly you could barely tell there'd been a duel.
Yugi: Uh, I don't think this is a dueling tournament, guys...
Jounouchi: What? What other kinds of tournaments are there?!
Honda: You idiot...
Anzu: Let me see that, Yugi... *takes the paper*
Jared: *has gotten faxed and is flat* Read it and follow the rules! *slides underneath the fax machine and disappears*
Anzu: *reading*
Jounouchi: Lemme see, I wanna see!!
Honda: ...Was that just Sam's brother?
Jounouchi: Haha! That's bologna! Anzu, gimme that paper! *snatches*
Anzu: *barely notices* That...what is Sam talking about?
Yugi: Um...
Jounouchi: A Death Tournament? That's bologna!
Honda: Stop saying bologna!
Jounouchi: Stop saying bologna? That's bolo-
Honda: Jounouchi, shut up! *takes paper and reads* It says here we have to participate, or we'll be thrown into a meat grinder!
Anzu: What? That's not fair!
Yugi: It's either we fight for our lives, or we just die!
Yami: *appears* After watching others fight for their lives.
Yugi: Yeah, that isn't fair at all!
Honda: What kind of sick joke is this?
Jounouchi: It says we need costumes and weapons or we fight in a potato sack armed with a deadly stick.
Honda: What? It does not- Oh wait, yes it does.
Jared: *has been faxed again* It's not a joke, it's for real! *slides underneath fax machine and disappears*
Anzu: But...if we're all in this tournament, doesn't that mean we'd have to fight each other?
Jounouchi: What?! That's bologna!
Honda: Okay, you really gotta stop that. Anyway, it doesn't seem like we have much choice here...
Everyone: *sigh*
MEANWHILE...
Sam: Alright...I've sent out the invitations to the other realms. Hopefully, we'll get a response and they'll show up.
Jared: And if they don't?
Sam: Well then, we have our special escort team to get them. *motions to Bill and Bob* The contestants should all arrive before 12 on the first day, no matter who is fighting first. The rest of the audience, well, if they don't show up, who cares. As long as the place isn't barren. But I doubt that'll happen since everyone always likes to see a bloody massacre with only a few rules here and there...outside of the actual battle...
Jared: Yeah. *goes up to still spinning meat grinder* And people would love to see someone get tossed into this thing...and I just cleaned it...I'm going to be sad.
Sam: Don't worry, if you're up first, you won't be able to be sad because you'll be in there first.
Jared: How do you know? What if I'm against Kari or someone?
Sam: What are you talking about? You think you can beat Kari just because she's a nice person? And, you better NOT throw her into the meat grinder! I'll kill you! Kill you dead. *mutter, mutter*
Jared: I didn't say anything about that.
Johnson: Hoohwah, hwahahahoohoohahoohwahahooha!
Sam: ...Oh yeah. That's right, we don't even know who's against who yet...
Bob: DOOM. *points at a large machine* DOOM.
Sam: Yep, that's what the randomizer is for.
Jared: But what about that? Where the hell did that come from? *points at meat grinder*
Sam: >.>" You got it, how the hell should I know?
Jared: Oh yeah, I got it off of eBay from some guy named Jigsaw.
Sam: Okay then...solved that mystery. So let's see now, how many days till the tournament begins?
Jared: *whispers ominously* Seven Days.
Sam: What? *checks calendar* Oh, oh yeah. *whispers ominously* Seven Days.
Johnson: *whispers ominously* Hoohwah.
Jared: Let's go home now.
Sam: But who's gonna supervise while we're gone?
Johnson: *puts on an official badge of power* HoooooHWAH!
Sam: Oh, Johnson, that's right. Okay, I need to go find a battle outfit anyway. See ya's! *poofs away*
Jared: Me too. *ka-plodes*
ONE WEEK LATER...
*lightning flashes*
Sam: And so...here we are at last.
Seto: Do I really have to be here?
Sam: You're our biggest sponsor and a qualified contestant! Of COURSE you have to be here!
Jared: Don't forget, if it wasn't for Gregory's Gravel this wouldn't be possible.
Sam: Oh yes, and that is why he's also here! Oh, and I hired The Announcer.
Jared: What? Awww...
Sam: Well, who else is going to announce? YOU?! AAAAHAHAHA!
Jared: We could've got the Mortal Kombat announcer, he's not doing anything right now.
Sam: Are you kidding? Do you know how much he charges an hour?! We're not made of money!
Jared: Yeah I guess you're right. Anyhoot, let's get this thing started.
Sam: WAIT! It's only 11:30...we should check and see who's here already...plus I gotta change. *walks out into the contestant meeting hall*
Jared: Yeah me too... *walks away*
IN ZEE MEETING HALL...WHICH IS ACTUALLY MORE OF A ROOM...
Sam: Ah, I see a majority of you have decided to come...
Ancient Seth: Okay Sam, what is this about?
Sam: Good question! It's a closely guarded secret, made carefully with 11 herbs and spices!
Samaya: ...Shut up and tell us why we're here.
Sam: What? Didn't you get the letter?! It's a Death Tournament! Of Death!
Ed: So why am I here?
Sam: Because you are! You wanted to get back at me for something, right? Well who knows, maybe the randomizer will hear your pleas and maybe not.
Ed: That's pretty stupid.
L: I didn't want to come...I'm supposed to be working on-
Jounouchi: THIS IS BOLOGNA!
Anzu: Friends aren't supposed to fight friends!
Yami: The world isn't in any danger! It is not my destiny to fight here!
Yugi: I hate fighting!
Sam: You're all wimps. WIMPS! L, you're still cool. The rest of you, WIMPS!
Kaian: Why did we need costumes?
Sam: Because...what the hell's a cool tournament without some cool new clothes to die i- I mean, fight in? *grin* now if you'll excuse me, I gotta change. *snaps fingers and explodes, and is in new fighting clothes when the smoke clears*
Jared: *walks in* So? When do we begin?
Sam: Soon, you idiot, soon...now, did anyone NOT get a battle outfit?
Everyone: ...No.
Naruto: *gets dragged in room by Bill*
Bill: STARS. *drops him on floor* ...STARS. STARS.
Sam: I see...alright then. *kicks Naruto* Hey, wake up! Wilson, wake him up! And don't eat him, please.
Wilson: *walks all regenerator like over to him making weird hissing noises*
Naruto: Unngh... *slowly wakes up*
Sam: Good job, Wilson.
Naruto: Huh? *sits up* Where am I? I'm supposed to be training! Who are you people?! *jumps up all defensive like*
Sam: Oh shut up, this is what I specified in that letter I sent you, ya fool.
Naruto: ...Letter?
Sam: Yes, letter. You...did, get the letter, right?
Naruto: Uhhh... *thinks* ...Um...
Sam: Oh, never mind! Here's a copy. *hands him a scroll* You get a scroll cause you're a ninja.
Jounouchi: I want a scroll! How come I didn't get a scroll? That's bologna!
Sam: You know what Jounouchi? You're bologna. Okay? You're bologna. Shut up.
Jounouchi: *hangs head in shame*
Sam: Anyway...getting to the point. Does everyone have...a weapon?
Grage: *comes in through portal* Okay, I'm here already! Stop sending those stupid crabs into my house!
Vlaid: *follows after him* They're EVERYWHERE!!
*another smaller portal opens next to theirs and an army of crabs pour out in an orderly fashion*
Gregory: *waves*
Head crab: *salute*
Grage: *sigh*
Sam: Hey Grage, since it doesn't seem like you actually planned to show up, I've already prepared a potato sack for you.
Grage: >.>" I am NOT fighting in a fricken potato sack.
Sam: What? But...I spent all night sewing it...
Grage: ...No.
Sam: But-
Grage: No.
Sam: Fine then! >.>" You better have something cool to wear though!
Grage: *rolls eyes* Well, I'm still in my work clothes. Leave me alone.
Sam: Okays, that works. Vlaid? You want a potato sack? *holds it out and waves it as if that will make it seem more enticing*
Vlaid: Um...no thanks.
Sam: *tear*
Jared: Is everyone here?
Sam: I believe so...
Jared: Great, I'd like to start by going over some rules. Rule 1: Kill without mercy. Rule 2: Get Creative with your kills. Rule 3: Leave no one alive. Rule 4...
A while later
Jared: Rule 49: More blood, more awesome. And Rule 50: There are no rules.
Sam: *staring* You're kidding, right? Did you come across another head injury while you were changing?
Jared: No. I thought if I killed some time we'd start sooner, I managed five minutes.
Sam: >.>" Those rules are idiotic. ...If you have a stick, go for the eyes? What the hell...
Jared: Ah, Rule 39, I'll never forget when that came into my head.
Sam: Yeah well you know what? We're just going to forget them all except for that last one, a'ight? We don't need fifty rules clogging up our minds and making us wonder whether what we're doing will get us disqualified or not.
Jared: AwwwWWWwwwWWWWWwWwwWWwWWWWwww......WWWwww.
Seto: *is finishing looking over the long, long, incredibly long bill of things he's paying for*
Geri: When are we starting?
Sam: Soon enough. JOHNSON! How's the audience looking?
Johnson: *looks down from the windowsill* Hoohwahwaha! *thumbs up*
Sam: That's good. Well, our seating is filling up fast, and Bill!
Bill: STARS
Sam: Your burgers are a hit!
Bill: STARS
Sam: Yep.
Geri: Are we starting? *stands up* Are we? Are we are we are we?
Sam: You know what? I think we are. Is everyone...dressed for the occasion?
Naruto: Aw man, what is this, like formal, cause I don't have a tie or anything...
Sam: Shut up, you're fine. Everyone else? *scans the room* ...Um, L?
L: Yes?
Sam: Are you sure you're not gonna trip on those pants?
L: Never tripped before. *eats some Yam Yums*
Sam: Okay, just checking. I'll tell the announcer to like...announce things now. *walks off*
ELSEWHERE...
Sam: *walks in* Heeeello!
Announcer: Greetings!
Sam: Okay, listen up! Me and Jared are gonna go sit by the sponsors now, so you can give the opening speech in like, five minutes.
Announcer: Alright then.
Sam: Cools. See ya's! *poofs away*
IN THE SPONSOR BOX...
Sam: *poofs into the room* Kay, Gregory, you can go get Seto and Jared now.
Gregory: *salutes and scuttles away, soon returns with Seto and Jared following behind him*
Seto: So, what happens now? *sits down beside Sam*
Sam: Now, we wait a few minutes, and The Announcer will introduce us. Me and Jared as the masterminds behind it, you and Gregory as the awesome sponsors. Then he'll tell all the other stuff, we're all participating in the tournament, we have no unfair advantage whatsoever, the other contestants will be introduced using that screen up there- *points* and then the audience will be told more about how the matches will be held, where they'll take place, and about the randomizer. All that boring shit. =B
Seto: I see...and watch your mouth.
Sam: Yeah kay sorry.
Jared: Then I'll explain the rules!
Sam: There are no rules, you punk!
Jared: Fine.
Sam: There is however, a time limit of 15 minutes. So it's not too long...and people won't get bored...there are five matches a day, and this whole thing will go on for one week, with rests in-between of course.
Jared: Then, we should go out there now.
Sam: No, we shouldn't. You see, they can't see us now, but when The Announcer touches the button, they will! That's why this glass is here. *pokes glass* We're in the sponsor box, fool.
Jared: I'll show you a sponsor box.
Sam: Tsch.
Jared: I'll show you tsch.
Sam: Shut up, it's starting now.
Jared: I'll show you it's starting now.
Sam: >.>"
Announcer: Welcome, everyone, to the first annual Death Tournament of Death, an idea first spawned in the minds of Sam and Jared, and brought to life thanks to the ever appreciated sponsorship of Seto Kaiba and Gregory the Crab!
*glass on sponsor box becomes clear and audience cheers*
In the audience...
Ezekiel: Is that the Sam I think it is...?
Dante: What other Sam do you know? *rolls eyes*
Kain: I'm never going through another portal again.
Cain: Tell me about it...hm, you know, you look familiar...
Hollie: Hey, Sam drew a picture of you before! *pokes Cain*
Eric: I'm in the story!
Cassy: Generic fan line!
Jared: It's gonna be one hell of a battle!
Raphael: Aren't you one of the people in that box? *points*
Jared: I am.
Raphael: o.O
Jared: *looks at him then waves his hands in front of his face* Imagine. *disappears*
Raphael: *blinks, then shakes his head*
ANYWAY.
Announcer: *has been blabbing this whole time* Contestant #12, Jounouchi Katsuya. *screen shows a picture of Jounouchi eating bologna* Contestant #13...
A FEW MINUTES LATER...
The Announcer: And finally, contestant #28, the mysterious L...who wouldn't tell us his name. *screen shows a picture of L sitting weirdly as usual* Now then, the matches will take place in one of our many customized arenas, which will be revealed once the matches start. Who one person will be facing off against in a match will be chosen randomly using our state of the art randomizer! *light shines on sparkly new randomizing machinery* The first qualifying matches will begin shortly in this arena here. And so we'll be asking all of our contestants to come out here now so the first match can be decided.
IN THINE SPONSOR BOX...
Sam: That's the cue! FINALLY! We can go out there. *stands up*
Jared: *asleep*
Sam: *tips his chair over* Come on, Seto. You too, Gregory. *they both follow after her*
Jared: *stands up* WAIT!!! *runs after them*
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Johnson: *trying to instruct everyone, and actually saying what he's supposed to but nobody understands him*
Geri: Are we going? *starts going up to random people and shaking them violently* ARE WE GOING?!!?
Ed: *grabs her by the shoulders and shakes her just as violently* I DON'T KNOW!!!
Geri: *grabs his shoulders and does the same* I WANNA GO NOW!!
Sam: *walks over and pulls her back* WE'RE GOING NOW!!!
Geri: FINALLY! GAWD! *walks by Grage* YOU HEAR THAT!?!??! WE'RE GOING!!!! *starts flying in circles*
Sam: Uh, yeah. Let's GO, PEOPLE! *starts walking out into the arena outside, and everyone follows her*
OUTSIDE...
Announcer: And here are our combatants
Audience: *cheers*
Ezekiel: *boos when he sees Grage*
Grage: *flips him off*
*everyone cheers louder when Vlaid walks out...everyone. Even that guy over there in the corner*
Vlaid: o.O Who are all these people? Oh wait, I think I know that person...and that one. Hey, is that Impa?
Sam: Ahem! If our attention could be directed over here... *standing in front of the randomizer*
Jared: Yeah, frick.
Sam: START IT UP!
Johnson: *presses a button, and it starts making a funny sound*
THE RANDOMIZER: *whirs, and suddenly it stops, and two small round containers roll out of an opening*
Johnson: *takes them, and tosses them up into an open window of the announcing room*
Sam: You know, Announcer, this would be much easier if you had agreed to come down here beforehand!
Announcer: Well, I...it's too late now, haha! Aherm. *speaks into the microphone* And the first match will take place between...
*drum rolls by*
Announcer: *struggling to get the container open* Ungh...hang on a second , I almost got it! Almost...got it. And the first match will take place between...Naruto Uzumaki and...Wilson!
Naruto: Alright! Up first, that's awesome! Believe it!
Sam: ...
Naruto: So! *turns to everyone* Who's this Wilson guy? I can take him!
Wilson: *walks forward all regenerator like with his theme music playing out of nowhere*
Naruto: o.O What is that?!
Jared: *points* That's Wilson!
Naruto: What? I have to fight that thing?
Sam: Uh yeah.
Naruto: Hm...well ugly, I can take you down anyway! I've faced way stronger looking guys than you!
Jared: Then get the hell in the ring! Oh I almost forgot! *presses button on remote and meat grinder starts spinning* Have fun! :D
*timer above the big screen is set at 15 minutes*
Sam: Okay now, everyone here who isn't fighting, back to the meeting hall with us! *walks back in*
Sam: *calls back* We can watch from in here without getting in the way! =D
Jared: Announcer! Start that timer! *walks back with everyone else*
Announcer: Alright, fighters! Get into position! And in 3...2...1 FIGHT! *starts timer*
Naruto: Alright, let's see what you can do! Believe it!
Wilson: *takes a few steps before throwing his arms out towards Naruto attempting to grab him*
Naruto: *dodges* What the...?
Wilson: *retracts his arms*
Naruto: *jumps at him with a kunai and stabs it into Wilson's neck*
Wilson: *hisses as the kunai is dragged though his neck, ripping his head off*
Naruto: *jumps back* ...Huh? *looks at Wilson's head dropped to the ground* He's... he's dead? Are you serious? That's it? *scratches head* I really thought there would be more of a challe- *notices Wilson's body is still standing* Huuh?
Audience: *murmur* *murmur*
Naruto: *slowly walks towards Wilson's body and looks up at announcer room* Hey whoever's up there! Shouldn't you be announcing me the winner no- *looks at Wilson's body* What the?
Wilson: *squiggly things coming out of neck*
Naruto: *points* What?! It's not dead?!
Wilson: *regenerates a new head and glares at Naruto, walking slowly towards him again*
Naruto: Not dying after losing its head, what is this thing?!
Announcer: Heh, I guess it should've been mentioned before, Wilson is one of the regenerators from Saddler's Island.
Naruto: A...Regenerator? You mean no matter how many times I cut this thing it'll always come back? Agh! *dodges one of Wilson's arms again* Kage Bunshin No Jutsu! *five more Narutos appear and attack Wilson*
Wilson: *retracts his arms back and throws them at one of the Narutos, catching him while the rest jump at him*
*other five Narutos jump on Wilson, trying to restrain him while he flings the other caught Naruto around, letting him go*
Other Naruto: *goes flying into the meat grinder and poofs away in a cloud of dust*
Wilson: *hisses angrily at the other Narutos that have piled onto him and starts grabbing at them, biting at one and it poofs away too*
From various places in the audience: KILL THAT ORANGE FRICK!! Kill the monster... no wait, kill the orange frick! TOSS THE REAL ORANGE FRICK IN THE MEAT GRINDER!!!
Wilson: *gets a hold of the real Naruto*
Naruto: *stabs his arm*
Wilson: *struggles against the fake Narutos and jerks his body to the side, flinging them all in different directions*
Fake Narutos: *all explode when they hit the floor, wall and the meat grinder*
Naruto: *still caught by Wilson* Let go of me you freak!
Wilson: *pulls Naruto towards him quickly and bites him, but the Naruto he has poofs into a log
Naruto: *jumps at him from behind him* Weren't expecting that now were you? The real me is right here! Believe it!
Wilson: *tosses log into meat grinder and wood chips fly everywhere*
Naruto: *is going to attack Wilson, but gets caught for real and is flung to the ground*
Wilson: *grabs him off the ground and smashes his face down again*
Audience: *cheers loudly*
BACK IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: *watching screen and eating popcorn* Well, this isn't quite as boring as I thought it would be, I guess.
Grage: Why'd you think it was going to be boring?
Sam: I don't know, Naruto and that clone attack he ALWAYS uses, and what can Wilson do? Stretch his arms and gnaw on people's necks.
Grage: ...Oh. Okay. *shrugs and steals some popcorn*
Jared: Oh! He's picking Naruto up! What's he gonna do!?!?!
Sam: I bet 50 he's gonna smash his face again!
Grage: ...50 for the meat grinder.
BACK AT THE FIGHT...
Wilson: *has the beaten up Naruto in his hands*
Audience: *chanting* MEAT GRINDER! MEAT GRINDER!
Wilson: *walks slowly over to meat grinder and suspends Naruto over it*
Audience: *going insane*
Announcer: Looks like Naruto's in trouble! How will he get out of this one!?!?!??!?! *dims lights a bit*
Wilson: *drops him*
*slow motion kicks in*
Naruto: Nnnnoooooo!!! *meat grindered*
*real time returns*
Audience and everyone else: YEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! *extremely loud cheering commences*
BACK IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: DAMN IT! *looks at Grage* I don't have 50.
Grage: Kaiba does. Fork it over.
Sam: AAwWwWWWwwWwWwwwWwwWWw...WWWwww!!!!!!!! ...Seto?
Seto: You shouldn't bet if you don't have money.
Sam: Yeah, well...
Seto: *sighs and gives her 50 bucks, which she hands over to Grage*
Grage: Suckers.
BACK OUT THERE...
Announcer: And there you have it, the winner of the first qualifying match! Wilson!!
*light shines on Wilson*
Wilson: *hisses and waves all regenerator like*
Announcer: Now that the first match is over we'll turn on the randomizer so we can decide our next match!
BACK IN MEETING HALL...
Johnson: HooHWAAH! HWAH! *bounds down the hall and out to the arena*
Wilson: *slowly comes back inside*
Jared: Who here thought that Naruto would win?!
Sam: Not me.
Everyone else: Ehhh... *mutter, mutter*
Jared: Well whatever, I didn't so, anyway here's Wilson! Good job, you'll fight against the winner of the next match in the quarter finals.
Sam: I wonder who's next anyhow...
BACK OUT THERE...
Johnson: *has gotten the little containers from the Randomizer and tosses them up to The Announcer*
Announcer: *still struggles to get them open* Hang on people, I almost got it, okay, the fighters in the second round in the qualifying matches are...
*drum roll*
Announcer: Gregory the Crab Vs. Honda Whatshisface!
BACK IN THE MEETING HALL...
Honda: Whatshisface? The name is Hiroto... Wait, what? I'm versing a crab?!
Jounouchi: That's bolo- *looks at Sam* ...that's nuts.
Jared: 50 says Gregory wins
Sam: 100!
Grage: Hm...150.
Jared: 200!
Anzu: 500 on Honda from all of us! *motions to rest of nerd herd*
Seto: *looks over boredly* ...I'll bet 1000 on the crab.
Yugi: Yeah well, we can sure use that money! Go beat that crab, Honda!
Jounouchi: Yeah! You show him who's bologna!
Jared: If Gregory wins, the nerd herd owes us 500! If for some sick, twisted reason Honda wins, you get 1400...yup
Sam: Alright, Whatshisface! Get out there already. Gawd.
Honda: Right! There's no way I'm losing to a sea creature! *runs out*
Anzu: Let's go sit in the audience guys, and cheer him on! It wouldn't be right to have him fight without his friends there to suppo-
Sam: Oh GOD, LEAVE ALREADY!!
Jared: Where's Gregory? Is he out there already?
Sam: Uhh... *looks around* I don't know. I guess so. His army's gone, too.
OUT THERE...
Audience: *infested with crabs waving Go Gregory flags* ... *also the nerd herd*
Honda: Alright, so where is that little thing anyway?
*lights darken all of the sudden, and lights turn on one by one, lining the way from the entrance hall*
The Announcer: And now, introducing...Honda Whatshisface's first, and possibly last opponent...The Invincible GREGORYYYYY!!!! *light shines on Gregory, scuttling in all slow motion with Rocky music playing in the background*
Gregory: *wearing a robe thing and scuttles in to the center of the arena, tossing it off to reveal his awesome battle outfit, and raises his arms up to greet his fans*
Audience: *goes mad*
Honda: ...What the...invincible? Hey, how come I don't got any fans?
*in the crowd, the rest of the nerd herd is lost in a sea of crabs and can't be heard over the rest of the audience cheering for Gregory*
The Announcer: *turns the lights back on, stops the Rocky music and resets the timer* Okay, now that The Invincible GREGORYYYYY is here, we can get this match STARTED
*everyone cheers*
Honda: ...What is everyone cheering for? All I have to do is step on this thing...
Gregory: *snaps his pincers menacingly*
Announcer: Alright, combatants! Are you ready? We're starting now, in 3...2...1...FIGHT!!
Honda: Alright, this is pretty lame but I guess I'm gonna have to fight that grey thing after I stomp this crab...hey, where'd it go?
Gregory: *has scuttled behind him and pinches the backs of his ankles*
Honda: Hey, ouch! *turns around* There you are, you little...get back here! *tries to stomp him but he jumps out of the way*
Gregory: *jumps on Honda's shoulder and pinches his ear*
Honda: OW! Get off! *grabs him and tosses him away*
Gregory: *lands on the ground and dodges another feeble attempt at a stomp*
Honda: Dodging my feet and pinching me won't help you in the long run you know! I happen to have an aluminum bat! I'll smash you!
Gregory: *stops and makes motions like he's laughing in the face of imminent death*
Honda: Don't mock me! *swings bat around* I'll smash you good! *goes to hit Gregory*
Gregory: *jumps up and lands on the bat, then takes off the swords strapped on his back and scuttles towards Honda's face*
Honda: *pulls back and flings the bat above his head, sending Gregory off again*
Gregory: *flings one of his swords at Honda as he falls to the ground and it hits him in the arm*
Honda: Agh, what was that? Felt like a needle or somethi- *pulls it out* A mini sword? Hey don't throw your toys at me! *turns around to glare at Gregory and the other sword hits him in the face*
Gregory: *jumps up and pulls it out, then slashes it across his cheek and jumps on his head*
Honda: OOWW MY FACE! *puts his hands up* That really hurt!
Gregory: *slashes his swords down again and cuts his ears off*
Honda: THE PAIN!
Gregory: *standing on Honda's head and raises his swords up*
Audience: *cheering* DO IT! DO IT!
Honda: Ow, ow...where did he go...?
Gregory: *waits to build up suspense, then brings the swords down and stabs them into Honda's eyes*
Audience: *loud cheering blocking out Honda's screams of pain and suffering*
Honda: *holding his hands to his face and backing up, still crying out in pain*
Gregory: *pulls swords out quickly and jumps off of Honda's head, landing in front of him as he's nearing the meat grinder, and scuttles over to him when he's standing in front of it, bleeding*
Honda: Ah, you...you stupid...I'll get you for this...
Gregory: *goes forward and slashes his swords above his feet*
Honda: OWW!! *pulls back out of pain and loses his footing, and Gregory steps back as he falls into the meat grinder*
Gregory: *puts his swords away on his back and scuttles to the center of the arena again*
Audience: *going insane cheering for Gregory
Announcer: AND THE WINNER OF THE SECOND MATCH! IS THE INVINCIBLE GREGORYYYYY!!!!!
Army of crabs in the audience: *silently cheering and waving their flags*
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: Alright! I mean, as if it would have gone any other way, but yeaaaah Gregory won!!
Jared: You'll be up for a challenge in the quarter finals Wilson.
Wilson: *hisses
*rest of the nerd herd barges in*
Jounouchi: WHAT THE HELL, SAM!?!??
Yugi: That, that wasn't real, right?
Anzu: *crying*
Sam: Uhhmmm...uh...well...hm, lemme see here... *pretends to look through a book* Hmm...yes, yes it was.
Jared: That was the most epic battle I've ever seen!
Sam: Yeah man, WAY more epic than that battle you told me Grage had with Kain!
Jared: I know, that one just looks like a pile of crap now.
Grage: Okay, what the hell? If I'm up against you next you're going to die.
Sam: What if you're against me?
Grage: Then I'm against you.
Sam: Oh.
Gregory: *scuttles into the room followed by his army of crab followers*
Sam: Ho shit! Look who's here!
*everyone goes insane cheering...EVERYONE, EVEN SETO!!!!! OMG! AND GRAGE!!! HOLY CRAP!!!*
Gregory: *bows modestly*
Johnson: Hoohwah! Hwahahooha! *bounds out to get the next match*
Sam: So...next match...I wonder who it'll be between...
Seto: We'll find out soon.
OUT THERE...
Johnson: *gets two more little containers from The Randomizer and tosses them up through the window at The Announcer*
The Announcer: Okay! Now, for our next hopefully just as epic battle, we'll see Bob versus L!!
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Jared: Bob! L! Get out there!!
Sam: Awww man! I liked having an L around! *sniff* now I have to see a second one die!
L: *sleeping in a chair*
Bob: DOOM. *gets up and starts walking out*
Sam: Not faaaaiiirrrr...aw. *pokes L with a fighting stick* Hey L! Wake up!
L: Huh? *wakes up* What is it?
Sam: *deep ominous voice* You have been chosen for the next match. *regular voice* Bob's out there waiting already.
L: I have...? Oh. *gets up* Okay. Which one was Bob again?
Sam: ...You'll see. Now go, go! And don't forget a weapon! You'll need one! NEED ONE!!
L: ...Okay. *starts walking out*
Sam: …I didn't see no weapon. ;~;
Seto: If you didn't want to see him die, why did you invite him in the first place?
Sam: I didn't think he'd be going against Bob! And his first match too! Ahhh...
Jared: Just be glad it wasn't against Gregory.
Sam: ...I guess you're right. Gregory's fierce. Bob likes to get things over with right away, so hopefully L doesn't suffer too much. *tear*
OUT THERE...
L: *walks out into the arena*
Bob: *waiting impatiently* DOOM...
L: *looks up at him* I thought...oh, the other one is Bill...
Bob: DOOM.
The Announcer: *resets timer* Alright contestants! Are you ready? The match will start in 3...2... *sounds of bloody hacking are heard* ...1? Um...
L: *in pieces all over the place*
Bob: DOOM.
The Announcer: ...And...we have a WINNER!! Ahem. Bob!!
Audience: ... *claps*
Bob: *glares* DOOM.
Audience: *standing ovation*
Bob: ...doom. *walks away*
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: I'm bored...oh fine, I'll watch the match!! *goes and sits next to Seto on the couch*
Grage: Uh, Sam?
Sam: What?
Bob: *walks in all bloody*
Sam: *looks on TV screen and sees L chunks everywhere* ...
Bob: DOOM.
Sam: ...Aww. *hangs head*
Grage: Yep, you missed it.
Seto: And you say that thing lives in your head? How do you sleep at night?
Sam: Well he's usually cool. He just...doesn't like waiting for stuff, and if you don't get him his food when he wants it...well...you better watch out.
Bob: DOOM.
Sam: Over there. *points at buffet across the room*
Bob: DOOM. *goes over there*
Vlaid: So...
Sam: Mhm.
Grage: I'm bored.
Bob: DOOM!!
Sam: What?!
Bob: DOOM! *points at Wilson*
Sam: *sigh* Jared!!
Jared: Yes sir!
Sam: Bob says Wilson ate all the chicken wings!
Jared: What? Wilson!
Wilson: *hisses*
Jared: You didn't eat ALL the chicken wings did you!?
Wilson: *hisses and points to Kaolla*
Jared: He says it was Kaolla.
Sam: ...Should've figured. Bob, eat something else for now.
Bob: DOOM. DOOM!!!
Sam: What?! EVERYTHING?!?
Jared: Great, now we have to order ANOTHER table of stuff. Thanks a lot Grage.
Grage: What?
Jared: Nah I'm kidding, you're alright.
Grage: ...Right...
Sam: Okay then.
OUT THERE...
Johnson: *has tossed two more containers to The Announcer*
Announcer: And...the next match will take place between...Seto Kaiba and Edward Elric!
IN MEETING HALL...
Sam: *lets out sigh of relief* Oh good, it's just the shrimp. No problem huh Seto? Just watch out for that alchemy...and the meat grinder...stay away from the meat grinder...
Ed: *bursts out from under a million blankets on a couch in the corner* What's that? I can leave if I fight that tall frick?!
Sam: Who says you can leave?
Jared: Yeah, I didn't say that, and besides, you'll be turned into Ed Bread Spread
Sam: You're not supposed to tell him that...
Seto: Let's get this over with already... *stands up, picks up his briefcase and walks out*
Sam: Yeaaaah! Go Seto! *gets her Official Seto Fangirl flag and runs to sit in the audience*
Ed: Huh...? Hm. THIS WILL BE EASY!! *runs out too*
Grage: ...Well, there is a chance Kaiba will get killed, so... *goes after Sam*
Jared: I'm all alone now, and that makes me sad.
Kaian: What the hell are you talking about?
Jared: I don't know.
OUT THERE...
Seto: *standing all cool like, trench coat billowing in the nonexistent wind as always*
Ed: *just standing there*
Announcer: *resets timer, even though it didn't have to be reset* Combatants are you ready?! The battle will begin in 3...2...1...FIGHT!!!!!
Sam: *in the audience* YEAAHHH! KICK HIS ASS, SETO!!!
Grage: *beside her* THEN FALL IN THE MEAT GRINDER!!
Seto: *sigh*
Ed: Alright, tall-y, I'm not showing any mercy! *claps hands together and makes that spear thingy come out of the ground*
Grage: *in the audience* Hm...maybe you should have told Kaiba to bring an ACTUAL WEAPON instead of his briefcase. You know. Then he might have had a chance of being interesting for once.
Sam: SHADDAP! *sniff* His briefcase will work just fine. It's metal and deflects bullets and lasers!
Grage: The kid has a spear.
Sam: ...That can't go through metal. *pout*
Ed: *charges at Seto with a spear screeching like a banshee*
Seto: *brings briefcase up as a shield against Ed's spear and swings his leg out to trip him*
Ed: *jumps over Seto's leg and gets smacked in the face by his briefcase* Agh, OW!
Seto: *takes briefcase and hits him again*
Ed: Ah crap! *looses balance and stumbles back*
Seto: *does Liu Kang's flying kick and kicks Ed into the meat grinder*
Meat Grinder: *gets jammed because of Ed's auto-mail*
Announcer: It would appear that Seto Kaiba has won the match, but what's this? The meat grinder is jammed, because of that auto-mail.
Jared: *comes out from meeting hall with a fighting stick* Just a second! I got it! *runs up to the jammed meat grinder* It'll be done in a jiffy! *pokes Ed with the stick*
Ed: Help me!
Jared: Almost... *jabs him with stick*
Ed: AHHH- *grinded up*
Jared: There we go. That'll count as your victory Seto. Okay? See ya. *runs back into meeting hall*
Announcer: ...And we have a WINNER!!!
Grage: AWWW!! ...CHEAP!!
Sam: YEAAAHHH SETO!!!
Grage: Cause of that kick... *grumbles*
Seto: Hn. *walks back into meeting hall*
BACK IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: *runs back in and glomps Seto* Yey! You didn't die! =DDDDD
Grage: *walks in behind her* I still say that was a lame victory.
Sam: Oh shut up, you. If you're gonna complain, you better be planning to be awesome when it's your turn!
Jared: Speaking of complaining, we just got another food table right about a while ago.
Sam: Oh joy! I'm hungry.
Kaian: *trying to keep Kaolla from running towards the table* No, you had enough! You ate the last table by yourself, CONTROL YOURSELF!! CONTROL THE HUNGER!!!!!!!
Kaolla: *gone*
Kaian: *opens eyes* ...where'd she...DAMMIT!
Sam: *tossed to the side by Kaolla away from the table* AAAAAAAGH! *smashes into wall*
Jared: Great, we'd best order another one.
Sam: Uuugh... *gets up* Why are you only ordering one at a time?
Jared: Abecause. It's what I do.
Sam: Order two at a time and put them on either side of the room from each other. Then while Kaolla's busy attacking one, maybe other people will actually get something!
Jared: That sounds like a plan. But not really. *about to walk away* By the way, I had no idea that Seto could kick like Liu Kang.
Sam: ...Neither did I. Neither did I. o.O
Grage: No one did, is the next match picked yet?
Jared: Imma go check. *runs off*
OUT THERE...
Johnson: *has already tossed two containers to The Announcer*
Announcer: And the next match is...hang on...OH! WHY! WHY do we have Kinder Surprise-like containers for these!? Oh there we go. And the next match is between...Matthew and Joe!
Jared: Okay, time to go tell. *runs back into meeting hall*
MEETING HALL...
Jared: *runs in* Alright! Next match has been decided!
Samaya: And? Who's up next?
Jared: Who's up next?
Samaya: Who's the next match between?
Jared: Oh, the next match is between... Matthew! And...
Samaya: And...?
Jared: Aaaaaaaaand...
Everyone else: Aaaaaaaaand.....?!
Jared: Joe.
Matthew: Oh thank God. *gets up and goes to Joe* Let's go...Joe. *walks out of meeting hall*
Sam: Well, I wonder how this will go...
Joe: *runs out of meeting hall*
IN THE ARENA...
Matthew: *standing around*
Joe: *doing the same*
Announcer: *resets timer* Combatants, ARE...YOU...REEEEEAAAAAADY?!?!?!?
Matthew: Oh hell yeah, bring it on!
Announcer: The fight will begin in 3...2...1 FIGHT!!!!!
Joe: *charges at Matthew*
Matthew: *stands in one place, knowing that Joe's wrist claws could never go through him*
Joe: *stabs forward*
Matthew: *gets stabbed in the face and blades go right through* What the hell...
Joe and Matthew: *stay in that position for a few seconds*
Announcer: Could this be the shortest battle since L and Bob? Is Matthew dead...already?
Matthew: *lifts both arms up, grabs Joe's wrist blades and breaks them off* No one stabs me in the face.
Announcer: Wasn't that something? I seriously thought he was dead...no really, I did.
Joe: *walks back a few steps*
Matthew: That was strange, usually nothing could do that. *runs at Joe and punches him in the face*
Announcer: And we're back to the fight, does Joe stand a chance against the invincibility that Matthew possesses at the moment? Or does Matthew stand a chance against Joe with his three foot long claws of doom?
Joe: *cuts Matthew in three different places*
Matthew: Ow, that actually hurt. *starts bleeding* Blood? But...I don't- *gets cut in half*
Announcer: Is this it?! Could this be it?!?!? Is Matthew really dead?!?!!?!?!?!?!?.....!??!!??!?!
Matthew's upper half: *still living* What's going on? Nothing could cut me in half.
Announcer: And Matthew is still living, this is amazing, how could someone be cut in half and still be living?!?!? I guess we'll half to wait and see if he bleeds to death or goes into epileptic shock.
Matthew's lower half: *completely dead*
Matthew: I'm not going to lose to a blind person...never, will...I. *falls forward*
Announcer: ...
Audience: ...
Joe: ...
Matthew: ...
*silence*
Announcer: Could Matthew be dead already?
Jared: *comes out from meeting hall with a fighting stick* I'll check. *goes up to Matthew and pokes him with a stick* Matthew? You alive? Nope he isn't.
Announcer: And we have a winner! We have Joe! The Garrad-
Matthew: *gets up and extends metal claw things and swipes at Joe four times* I'm not losing to a blind guy. *retracts claws*
Joe: ... *falls to pieces*
Announcer: Whoa, I did not see that coming, in all the years of hosting fighting tournaments I have never seen something more surprising than this. And the winner of the 5th qualifying match, is MAAAATHEEEEEEEW!!!!
Audience: *cheers normally but with a hint of confusion*
Jared: *goes up to the pile of Joe on the ground* Wow, you kicked his ass Matthew. I'm surprised that you actually did it... now we have to put you back together.
Matthew: Yeah...well don't just stand there, I'm bleeding to death!
Jared: Right. *whistles*
Johnson: *comes running out holding a stretcher above his head wearing a medical hat* HOOHWAH!!
Jared: You take it from here chimp. *runs back into the meeting hall*
Johnson: *Sennen Sword materializes in his paw and he goes and pushes Matthew's bottom half and his top half together* Hoohwahaha, hoohoo! *jumps up and stabs Matthew in the forehead, healing him completely*
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Samaya: *watching the screen* ...How the hell is that monkey wielding my sword?
Sam: Well, he lives in my soul room, he was originally a figment of my imagination I brought to life, and thus can do stuff I can do! Or something. *shrugs*
Samaya: ...Oookay then.
Johnson: *comes running back in carrying the stretcher above his head with Matthew sitting on it*
Jared: How the hell...?
Sam: You didn't think I'd let him participate if he was weak, did you?
Jared: No not really.
Kaian: Is Joe, sorry, was Joe the only person who could do that?
Jared: No, to tell you the truth, I don't know how he did it. *thinks back*
Flashback...
Joe: *eating chicken wings*
End o' flashback...
Jared: THE CHICKEN WINGS!!! It was the chicken wings. *runs over to table and looks at the plate of chicken wings* It was you. No one eat these things, they give you terrible powers.
Sam: ...The chicken wings?
Jared: Yeah, you remember when Kaolla sent you flying? That Herculean strength was a side effect of the chicken wings!
Sam: ...Really? I thought she was just excited for the food...
Jared: No, she usually just ends up breaking something in your body or something...but never have I been smashed into the wall.
Sam: Oh...so they're cheater wings?
Jared: Yes they are... *turns all dark and ominous* And they must be destroyed. *turns and looks at the chicken wing plate to see Kaolla walking away from it* ...Well...let's hope she's not up next.
IN THE ARENA...
Johnson: *has already run back out and thrown two new containers to The Announcer*
Announcer: And the next two contestants are... oh for God's sake I hate these things. There we go, the next two contestants are...Johnson and Ancient Seth!!!!
Johnson: HooHWAH! *strikes a pose*
Crowd: *cheers*
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: Well Seth, good luck against my awesomely smart and powerful chimp!
Seth: ...I'm fighting a monkey?
Sam: Hey, don't underestimate him just because he's a different species! Just cause he's foreign. Terrible. I mean, look at what happened to Honda!
Jared: You think this battle will be as epic as Gregory's?
Sam: I don't know...that was pretty epic...
Samaya: Hold on a minute, are you saying my husband might get killed by a chimp?
Sam: Samaya, everyone in this competition has a chance of dying no matter WHO they're up against, and- HUSBAND?! When the FUCK did that happen?!?
Samaya: ...Oh, I didn't tell you? Oops...
Seth: Last year already...you really forgot to tell them, Samaya?
Samaya: ...I thought...oh, never mind. Yes, we're married. Get over it.
Jared: Well hurry up, you already delayed for a whole minute, if you don't get out there in the next four minutes, you'll be disqualified.
Seth: Alright, already. *gets up and starts going to the arena* I won't die, Maya, don't worry. *walks out
Samaya: ... *sighs and shakes her head* Why did we agree to this again...?
Sam: ...Maya? I thought only I called you that when I'm trying to piss you off!
Samaya: Well you do, but he does for a whole different reason. Can you shut up now?
Sam: Aww...!!
Kaian: *goes up to Samaya* I didn't know you were married. Why didn't you tell me...is it because I didn't tell you that I got married?
Samaya: ...Maybe. I thought you would definitely know within a week or so from someone else...but I guess not.
Kaian: I guess not. *goes back and sits down*
IN THE ARENA...
Johnson: *behaving chimp like, rolling around eating a banana*
Seth: *standing there, looking strangely at Johnson*
Announcer: Contestants ready? *resets timer* Yeah you are, 3...2...1... FIGHT!!!
Johnson: *shoves rest of banana in mouth, stops behaving chimp like, and throws his banana peel into the audience*
Kain: *walking back from concession stand with a bunch of drinks and nachos* Last time I place a bet on the loser and- WHOA!! *slips on Johnson's banana peel*
Seth: Okay chimp, I'm not going to underestimate you or anything, but I'm not going easy on you either...man, it's weird talking to an animal...can you even understand me?
Johnson: Hoohwah, hwahoohoohahwaha!
Seth: ...Oookay then. Let's fight already!
Johnson: *nods* HWAH! *jumps at Seth* HWAAAH!
Seth: *dodges Johnson's flying monkey attack and grabs his tail* Got you!
Johnson: *monkey screeches as he is flung to the ground*
Seth: Sorry about this, I'm not much for animal cruelty, but... *kicks Johnson a few feet away and goes forward to do it again*
Johnson: Hwah... *pulls himself up and manages to dodge the second kick, jumping to the side and running to the other side of the arena*
Seth: Where do you think you're going?
Johnson: *sits down tiredly and starts eating a banana*
Seth: ...Oh, come on. *goes over to where he is* I thought you were supposed to be a strong and smart chimp? Don't tell me you're just for show...
Johnson: *glares at him as he finishes his banana, once again tossing the peel into the audience as he stands up* Hoohwah... Hoohoohwahahahwah...
*banana peel hits Dante in the face*
Seth: ...That wasn't a super banana, was it?
Johnson: *shakes head* Hoohwah, hoohoo! HWAH!! *jumps at Seth again, this time managing to latch onto his face*
Seth: *muffled cries as he tries to get the crazed chimp off of his face*
Johnson: *screeching angrily as he bites at Seth's face and pulls at his hair*
Seth: *struggles in vain to get Johnson off his face*
Johnson: *still biting relentlessly*
Seth: *suddenly remembers something, and stops struggling, reaching into his pocket*
Johnson: *not paying attention to what Seth is doing while he attacks*
Seth: *triumphantly pulls banana out of pocket and holds it out*
Johnson: *ceases his attack and looks at the banana* Hooo...
Seth: *face all scratched up and covered with bite marks* You want it?
Johnson: *goes to grab it, face attack forgotten*
Seth: Go get it. *tosses banana away*
Johnson: *leaps after it and everything goes slow motion* Hoooo... Hwaaaaaaaah... *gets even closer to grabbing it* Hwaaaah!! *finally grabs the banana only to find he is headed straight for the grinder* HOOHWAAA- *grinded up*
Seth: ... *rubs face* That was...easy.
Announcer: And the winner is-
*lights go all flickery and stuff*
Audience: *confused murmurs*
On all T.V. screens in big bold red letters: OMG! YOU DO NOT KILL MONKEY!! MONKEY KILLS YOU!!!
Johnson: *reforms out of grinder and leaps at Seth*
Seth: What the fu-
Johnson: *tears him apart*
Audience: *shocked silent, before breaking out into huge cheers at the violence*
Announcer: ...And! What a surprising turn of events! The winner of this match is Johnson! The Blue Monkey!
Johnson: Hoohwah! *victory sign*
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Jared: I say, wasn't there only supposed to be only five matches a day?
Samaya: *staring at the screen in shock* ...
Sam: ...Um...I think so...? How many have there been so far?
Jared: The sixth one just finished.
Sam: Oh...well, one over the limit. We'll call it a day for now.
Jared: I don't believe in limits, I don't believe in days, we should just keep going until we're done the qualifying matches.
Sam: Ah, but you're missing some of the bigger points. See, we'll be better able to hold people's attention with only so many matches a day until it's over. People don't want to sit around all day in those stands! Plus, we'll make more money if people come each day, since we're selling stuff to eat and whatnot...we want to make this worth our while, yup.
Jared: You're right, I'll go tell that guy in the announcer box to call it a day then...by the way, that was a very strange battle. *runs off*
Sam: Indeed. *sits back on the couch*
Samaya: *still sitting, staring at the T.V. which is now showing a commercial for cheese logs*
Sam: ... *ponders whether or not to run away before Samaya snaps out of it long enough to beat her with a stick for coming up with this tournament*
Kaian: *goes up to Samaya* That was...some battle huh?
Samaya: *slowly, slowly looks up at him with a blank look on her face* ...My husband...and father of my child, was just torn apart by a chimp.
Kaian: I used to be dead...yup, speared off a horse, and cut in half and my top half wasn't anywhere, but no one gave up on me, you know that idiot Jared? Yeah, he took the role of me for those three months...yup, and just look at me now. So you'll be fine. *goes back and sits down wherever he was sitting before*
Samaya: *silent for a moment before looking at Sam, who is in the middle of sneaking away* You.
Sam: *stops* Uh...me? I don't know a me, sorry! *keeps walking away but Samaya yanks her back by her shirt*
Samaya: You're bringing him back. You will, or I will enjoy every moment I take to torture you to death.
Sam: ...Of course I'm bringing him back! What, you think I'm nuts or something? The only person I was really considering leaving dead would be Yami!
Jared: Alright, it's off for the day, and now, I will collect the brains for you to revive everyone...you just have to wait till the tournament's over.
Samaya: *stands up* Why? Why wait till it's over to bring him back?
Jared: Well, according to this official document me and Sam signed. *pulls it out and shows it to Samaya* We cannot revive anyone till the tournament's over.
Sam: Huh? *looks* ...Who wrote that again...? Anyway, don't worry! We totally preserve the brains so they don't shrivel up before then! Seth will be back before you know it! And in the meantime, you can take off some serious stress when it's your turn to fight! *laughs nervously*
Samaya: *glares* ...I hate you. *walks away*
Sam: ...Well, I didn't die. *shrugs*
Jared: She couldn't kill you anyway; we're in a no-kill zone. *points to sign*
Johnson: *walks back into the meeting hall all bloody*
Sam: Somehow I think she may have chosen to ignore that if she was mad enough...hey, Johnson!
Jared: What the hell happened to you?
Johnson: *looks at Jared weirdly and shakes his head* Hoohwah, hwahahoohwah... *looks at Samaya sulking in the corner and goes to the buffet table to make her a sandwich*
Jared: Hey, I just thought of something.
Sam: Wow, you learn something new every day.
Jared: I know.
Sam: Okay then, what?
Jared: About what?
Sam: >.>"
Jared: Oh yeah, you want to hear a joke?
Sam: Maybe.
Jared: It's hilarious.
Sam: Okay, what the hell is it then?
Jared: Okay, you'll probably like this one. *walks away*
Sam: ...
Jounouchi: *walks up to Sam* Hey, Sam! *walks away*
Sam: o.O What?!
Jounouchi: What? *looks back* Oh yeah, I forgot! About bringing back the other guys...do ya mean that Honda ain't really dead? Cause Anzu and Yugi are really worried and stuff.
Sam: Nope, he's dead.
Jounouchi: What?! Then what the hell are you talking about? Were you just lying to make Samaya feel better or something?!
Sam: Nope. Apparently you weren't paying attention very closely. You dolt, you should know what the sword does by now!
Jounouchi: Heh?
Sam: It heals...?
Jounouchi: Honda is DEAD! I don't think stabbing him's gonna cure him of that.
Sam: Seems unlikely, seeing as he's a part of your group...might not be a brain to stab.
Seto: *snickers in the background*
Jounouchi: *growls* Oh come on! What are you talking about then?
Sam: ... *sighs* I'm gonna stab his brain if it's there, concentrate, and force myself to revive him. After the tournament. Okay? Now shut up.
Jounouchi: *groans* Man, this whole thing is bologna to the max!
Spider: Your mom's bologna to the max!
Sam: ...Anyway. I-
Spider: Your mom's anyway!
Sam: *ignores*
Spider: Your mom- *ignores*
Sam: *goes over and stomps it*
Spider guts: YOUR MOM.
Sam: ...Right. Now then, I'm outta here for now. See you guys tomorrow!
Seto: I'm going too... *gets up off of chair and follows Sam out the door*
Jared: Hey! Wait! *catches up to Sam* Hang on for a second.
Sam: What?
Jared: Okay, according to this list, we're missing two people.
Sam: What?! Let me see that. *snatches list away and looks at it*
Jared: Cause I clearly remember sending two invitations to them, and they haven't showed up. The two are Link, and Kaian's old girlfriend, whatsherface.
Sam: ...Najaran?
Jared: Yeah, thatsherface. You know what that means. Call your nemesis, we're goin'... on a ROADTRIP!!!!
Sam: Except, without the roads. BOB!!
Jared: BILL!!
Both: GET OUT HERE!!!
Bob: *appears out of nowhere right beside Sam* DOOM.
Bill: *crashes through wall* STARS.
Seto: Wait, who the hell are you looking for?
Sam: Link and Najaran. Weren't you listening?
Grage: *walks up* Of course he wasn't. He's an idiot.
Seto: >.>" Screw you.
Grage: Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?
Sam: ... *coughs* ANYWAY! Grage, you're engaged, shut up.
Grage: I wasn't making any sort of MOVE! Gross.
Jared: Alright then, Sam, you get Link. Come on Bill! TO DAH CULDCEPT REALM!! *both disappear*
Sam: So...wanna come to Hyrule with us, Grage? We're gonna kidnap Lisa's dad...it'll be fun...
Grage: ... *shrugs* Why the hell not.
Vlaid: *had walked up behind Grage a while back* You're going to Hyrule?
Sam: To kidnap Link!
Vlaid: Uh...okay then.
Sam: Aw, let's just all go already! Seto, do you want to-
Seto: No thanks. *walking away*
Sam: Aww, you SUCK! I'm just kidding, you're awesome. Let's go! *turns around so she can open a portal when one opens up in front of her*
Bob: *calmly walks through portal dragging an unconscious Link behind him*
Sam: ...Uh...aw... -____-" We're slow.
Grage: ...We?
Sam: You shut up! You distracted me!
IN THAT PLACE...
Jared: Come on Bill, I thought you were a good tracker.
Bill: STARS!
Jared: Okay okay don't hurt me, you're the best tracker in the whole world! *expresses with arms spread out*
Bill: STARS.
Jared: Yeah, now find that person, come on it shouldn't be that hard, just look for the girl with the talking stick. *thinks* That looks like an old man. *thinks more* We should look in the restaurants eh?
Bill: STARS. *runs through a wall to a restaurant*
Jared: Okay then, let's see if she-
Bill: *comes out dragging Najaran (and Goligan) behind him*
Jared: Good job Bill, let's go home now.
*Jared, Bill, Najaran and the stick disappear*
IN THE FIGHTING PLACE MEETING HALL...
*portal opens*
Sam: *sitting on couch petting Johnson, who is now covered in bandages after trying to give Samaya an egg salad sandwich* Hey, I think Jared's back!
Jared: *sticks head out* Heeeeey! KAIAN!
Kaian: What?
Jared: Guess who we brought back?
Kaian: *thinks* Hmmm... I give up.
Jared: Okay, heeeeeere's whatsherface!
Kaian: Who the hell is whatsherface...oh damn, it can't be, no! Not now! Anytime but now!
Jared: *pushes Najaran through*
Najaran: *falls through portal to the floor*
*Bill and Jared come through the portal and it closes*
Kaian: Holy shit...are you kidding, why now?!
Jared: I don't know, we needed more people.
Najaran: *stands up and looks* ..Kaian?
Kaian: Oh shit, oh shit... uh yeah! I seen him go out the door not too long ago...yup
Sam: Smoooth.
Najaran: Kaian! It is you! *runs forward and throws her arms around him* It's been so long.
Kaian: *thinking* Kaolla please don't look over here, don't.
Kaolla: *turns around*
Kaian: God damn it.
Jared: Oh ho ho, someone's in trouble now!
Sam: What a sucker. *watches while still holding her poor, injured, fighting blue monkey*
Matthew: ... *looks at both Najaran and Kaolla* Holy crap, that's wicked.
Kaolla: *standing there, mouth full of food, then swallows* Kaian...who's that?
Kaian: Uhh...it's uh, my, my cousin. Yeah, that's it, right Samaya? Cousin.
Samaya: *looks over from her sulky corner* ...What?
Kaian: She's my cousin, right? Right? RIGHT?!?!
Najaran: ...What are you talking about, Kaian? You're my lover, remember?
Kaian: ...oh damn.
Jared: Oh HO HO!
Kaian: Shut up.
Jared: ...Fine.
Kaolla: ... *staring at Najaran* I remember you...
Sam: ...Tense...
Jared: I know. It's horrible.
Kaian: This isn't happening, it's all a DREAM!! I KNOW IT IS!!
Jared: OH HO HO!!!
Najaran: *looks at Kaolla* Oh, you're Kaian's sister right?
Kaolla: No, I'm...his...WIFE!!!
Najaran: Wife? What!? Kaian when did this happen!?
Jared: Oh it's on now!
Sam: Cat fight!
Jared: There's no cats here.
Sam: ...Shut up.
Jared: You got it Joe.
Sam: Joe's dead.
Jared: Shut up you choe.
Sam: o.O
Kaian: Uhh, listen I can explain. You see, it happened like this, one day- *gets punched*
Najaran: You backstabbing LIAR!
Kaolla: *storms over and kicks him* You cheating BASTARD!
Both: *proceed to beat Kaian while yelling profanities*
Geri: *flies in and rockets towards Kaian, and kicks him across the room before landing* Hey guys! What I miss?!
Sam: ... *looks at Kaian lodged in the wall on the other side of the room* Um...nothing much. Where the hell were you?
Geri: Why didn't you tell me they don't sell cotton candy here?!
Sam: It's a fighting tournament, not an amusement park...although it does provide all sorts of amusement! Like you find in a park!
Geri: Well, that's what I went to go get.
Sam: Oh...so where did you go?
Geri: Store...to "buy" cotton candy.
Sam: Oh I see...
Jared: I think we should all go home for now. So until tomorrow. Buenos noches amigos! *disappears*
Sam: Yeah...me and Seto were gonna leave like an hour ago! Yeesh. Let's go, Seto. *gets up and walks out door with Seto and Johnson*
THAT VERY NEXT DAY...
Announcer: And welcome back to Day 2 of The Death Tournament of Death, yesterday we went over one battle, so we will continue the qualifying matches with five matches today. But before we get started, let us remember those who perished in yesterday's matches.
*everyone in the building stands up, EVERYONE, even that guy in the corner*
Jared: *walks out into arena with a trumpet and starts playing that song thing that's played on Remembrance Day while their pictures show on the big screen*
*two minutes later*
Jared: *raised head* Let Day 2, BEGIN!!! *runs back into meeting hall*
Audience: *sits down and starts cheering wildly*
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: Well, that was uninterestingly epic.
Jared: I know, is everyone here?
Sam: *looks around* Hmm...Samaya, Kari, Ryou, Kaian, Geri, Seth, Bill, Kaolla, Link, Najaran, Grage, Vlaid, Jounouchi, Anzu, Yugi, Yami, and me and you. And then there's yesterday's victors, but they won't be fighting again for a while.
Jared: Exactimundo, so everyone's here eh? Alright Johnson, go give those container things to the Announcer.
Johnson: Hoohwah. *runs out of the meeting hall*
OUT THERE...
Johnson: *runs out and goes to The RANDOMIZER* Hoohwah! *presses some buttons and it starts up, and he gets two containers* Hwaha! *tosses them up through The Announcers closed window*
Announcer: ...Okay, I don't know how that happened but, who cares. *goes and picks them up* And the next two contestants are... hey, these actually opened for me this time, anyway, the next two are...Jared and Bill!
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Jared: Oh damn it.
Sam: Well, I'll see you after the tournament is over then. *waves*
Jared: Okay then, come on Bill, to the Arena. *walks to the arena*
Bill: STARS. *follows him*
OUT THERE...
Announcer: And there they are.
Jared: Okay Bill, you remember what I said if this was to happen?
Bill: STARS...?
Jared: But you were supposed to, oh well, let's just get this over with.
Announcer: Ready? 3...2...1...FIGHT! *begins timer*
Bill: STARS!
Jared: Then bring it Bill.
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: *sitting on couch eating popcorn* Wow, he's lasted longer than L so far. Then again, it's Bill, not Bob and he knows him better...hm...
Kaian: Now I know that Bill's gonna win.
Matthew: Yeah, it's too one sided.
Seth: Like a dice.
Kaian: A dice has six sides you idiot.
Seth: Or eighty.
Kaian: That's still more sides than...never mind.
Sam: I wonder what Bill is gonna do without his guns. *watches interestedly*
IN THE ARENA...
Bill: *swiping at Jared, trying to grab him*
Jared: I know what you're trying to do, and it won't work on- *face gets grabbed* Oh crap. *gets lifted into the air*
Bill: *holds him up for a few seconds*
Audience: *chanting* KILL HIM! KILL HIM!!
Bill: STARS!
Jared: It was an honor fighting against you too.
Bill: *sharp pointy thing comes out of his wrist and stabs through Jared's throat*
Jared: ... *all dead and stuff*
Bill: *retracts pointy thing and tosses Jared into the meat grinder*
Announcer: And the winner of the seventh qualifying match is Bill!
Audience: *all cheering and stuff*
Bill: STARS. *walks back to the meeting hall*
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: Well, my only brother is dead now.
Seto: ...I thought you had three brothers.
Sam: I do! Jared is just the only one I talk to.
Seto: ...Okay then.
Samaya: You're a bad sister.
Sam: I know. Terrible.
Bill: *walks in all menacingly* STARS.
Sam: Hey Bill! Way to kill my brother, you jerk! I mean, nice work. Don't kill me. *continues drawing out arena plots*
Kaian: See, you can't win against that thing.
Matthew: *sitting on same couch as Najaran* I know, it's horrible. *moves closer*
Seth: I like chicken. *takes big bite of chicken wings off of plate surrounded by police tape*
Sam: *looks over* You're not supposed to eat the cheater wings, you know.
Seth: It's pronounced chicken.
Sam: I know. But you're not supposed to eat those. You'll get disqualified.
Seth: ...Really? What do they do to you?
Sam: Um...they're like steroids in any other game or tournament, I guess. Either way, please, step away from the...hey, who ordered in more chicken wings, anyway?
Kaian: I'll bet it was that idiot.
Sam: Seth?
Kaian: No, Jared.
Sam: Oh. Maybe. Anyway...whatever. As long as Seth isn't up next, I guess. *goes and sits on couch to watch who's picked next*
OUT THERE...
Johnson: *has thrown two more containers to The Announcer*
Announcer: And the next contestants are...Anzu Mazaki and Geri!
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Geri: *wakes up* WHAT!?
Sam: Aw man, Geri gets to kill her! No fair.
Geri: Awesome, I was picked, so, which loser am I facing?
Sam: That one! *points at Anzu*
Anzu: What? I have to fight now?
Yugi: *looks at Geri* Well...hm, you can do it Anzu! Don't worry!
Jounouchi: Yeah, we'll be there rooting for ya!
Sam: Please get to the arena before I am forced to cancel this match due to one of the contestants being DEAD.
Anzu, Jounouchi and Yugi: o.O
Yami: There's no way I'd allow that!
Sam: Get her the fuck out there already then!
Yami: ...
Anzu: Um...well, I'm sure I'll be fine if you guys are there! After all, frien-
Sam: *starts pushing her out* GET LOST!!
Geri: *already out there*
OUT THERE...
Anzu: *is shoved out and stumbles a bit* Ah! Okay, okay... *sigh*
*Rest of nerd herd sits in the audience*
Announcer: Contestants, are you ready? No? Okay, 3...2...1...FIGHT!!
Anzu: Alright, Geri was it? Let's try our best and fight fairly, and-
Geri: *flies at her and tackles her to the ground*
Anzu: AGH!
Geri: Come on, get up, let's finish this properly.
Anzu: Uh..? Oh, alright then. *stands up*
Geri: *grabs her and flies up into the air and then throws her to the ground*
Anzu: *hits ground with the force of a million elephants*
Jounouchi: Aww man, Anzu are you okay?!
Yugi: ANZU!
Geri: *rockets towards her from the sky* I'm going to finish you off painfully. *grabs Anzu's arm* Hey, is this yours?
Anzu: *groans painfully* Uhh...huh?
Geri: Well it's mine now. *tears it off* hmm...I don't want it anymore. *tosses it into the meat grinder*
Jounouchi: HOLY CRAP!! O.O
Yugi: ANZU!!
Anzu: *in a lot of pain and suffering, and bleeding* Please, stop.
Geri: No can do you idiot. *picks Anzu up by her leg and flips her over her head to the other side, and smashes her down* Let's make this more fun! *flies in the air still carrying Anzu*
Jounouchi: Nooo! Bring her back down you flying freak!
Yugi: ANZU!!
Geri: *flies through arena ceiling*
Audience: *has become silent*
Announcer: ...
Jounouchi: ...
Yugi: ANZU!!
*few minutes of silence pass*
Anzu: *bashes through another piece of ceiling and ka-plummets to the ground*
Geri: *flies in through the same hole in the ceiling* you know, I think she's dead.
Anzu: *lying motionless in a tiny crater*
Announcer: Then we have our winner-
Geri: Hold on man, I'm not finished. She may be dead but I haven't finished her off like I wanted to, so. *picks up Anzu and rips every limb off of her body, then rips her head off, then finally, bisects her torso* There we go, all done.
Jounouchi: *silent*
Yugi: ANZU!!
Announcer: And the winner of the 8th qualifying match is Geri!
Audience: *bursts into cheers*
Geri: Alright, I'm done my warm up, when do I fight?
Announcer: ...That was it.
Geri: *looks at the pile of Anzu* ...That was it? Are you serious?!
Announcer: Why not.
Geri: Retarded! *kicks the pile of Anzu and most of the pieces fly into the meat grinder* What a joke of a fight. *goes back into meeting hall*
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: *looks at Geri when she comes in* Hey Geri! You are now officially awesome for tearing Anzu to pieces.
Geri: And I wasn't awesome before?
Sam: You were, but now it's official.
Geri: Makes sense. *goes to couch and sits down* Seriously...that was a joke of a fight. I didn't like it.
Sam: It was ANZU, she's weak. I'm sure you'll be getting a challenge in your next match.
Geri: I hope so. *falls asleep*
*Jounouchi and Yugi walk in*
Yugi: ANZU!!
Jounouchi: Hey, Yug, don't worry man! It's probably the way she wanted to go anyway! And besides, Sam says she's got a way to bring her back later anyhow with Honda! Right Sam? Right?
Sam: Huh what now?
Jounouchi: RIGHT?!?!
Sam: Oh! Oh yeah, yeah sure. *goes back to arena plots*
Jounouchi: *turns to Yugi* Ya see?
Kaian: *looks at Geri* I had no idea she could rip people to pieces. Did you know that Samaya?
Samaya: No... How would I have known that?
Kaian: I don't know.
Matthew: Did she eat any of the chicken wings at anytime?
Kaian: I don't think so.
Seth: Nope, they're right here...well...they were here, now they're gone. I ate them!
Sam: I thought I told you not to eat them!
Seth: They were barbequelicious!
Sam: Uh, okay then.
Kari: Um...I don't know about me and Ryou participating, Sammy...
Sam: Don't worry, Kari! It'll be fine. I won't let anything happen to you!
Kari: But...
Sam: Nothing will go wrong, I promise! Just be careful is all.
Kari: Oh...okay... *sigh*
Samaya: Yeah, cause you know her stupid plan will work. Don't they ALWAYS? *rolls eyes*
Sam: Shut up, Maya!
Samaya: Hmph. *goes back to her sulking corner*
Kaian: Hey, what if you're versing uhh, that guy? *points at Seth* I think he'll be something challenging don't you think? ...Then again, I guess not. *talking to Grage*
Grage: What the hell are you talking about?
Kaian: I have no idea, I didn't sleep at all last night.
Grage: Oh? Too scared? *smirks*
Kaian: Nah, I straightened things up with Kaolla
Grage: Oh I see. *raises eyebrow* I'd say something about my night too, but I'd probably scar you for life or something.
Sam: Since when do you care about whether or not you scar someone for life?
Grage: I don't...I just don't feel like it right now.
Kaian: I don't think I want to know.
Grage: Yeah, probably not.
Kaian: Probably.
Sam: Anyway, who's up next?
Grage: I don't know.
Sam: And where the hell is Vlaid?
Grage: ...Sleepin'.
Sam: Oh.
OUT THERE...
Johnson: *has tossed containers to The Announcer, is now eating a banana*
Announcer: *opens containers* And the next contestants are...Link! And Yami!
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Yugi: ANZU!!
Sam: Yugi, shut up, she's coming back. *shudders* Unfortunately. Now then, YAMI! Get your stupid scrawny self out there!
Seto: Oh come on, that was weak.
Sam: ...It was. Aw man, I'm off today. Yami, fuck off!
Yami: Stop being a bitch, I'm going! *leaves*
Sam: *gasps dramatically* ...Eh. *shrugs and continues eating popcorn* Go kick his butt, Link!
Link: I don't even know who that is!
Sam: ...He's an evil ugly pharaoh has been who's trying to take over the world. He works for Ganondorf's release from the sacred realm! Go kill him!
Link: o.O ...Really?
Sam: Damn straight!
Seth: Damn bent!
Jared: *undeads for some reason* DAMN CURLY! *disappears*
Sam: ...Anyway, your match is starting and you're making the people wait. Get out there! Out, out! *shoves him out*
IN THE ARENA...
Announcer: And there is our second contestant, Link!
Hollie: *in the audience* What? Even Link and Yami are included in this?! You SUCK! *tosses her drink over the protective glass and it flies into the grinder, spewing drink everywhere*
Announcer: *resets timer* Contestants are you ready? 3...2...1...FIGHT!
Yami: ..Sooo...GAH! *dodges sword* What are you doing?!
Link: Don't try to deceive me! I know who you are! *swipes sword at him again and chops part of his hair off*
Yami: *watches hair fall to the ground all slow motion* NOOOOOO!!! MYY POOOWEERRR!!!
*normal motion returns*
BACK IN THE MEETING HALL...
Kaian: Sooo... his hair is his power eh?
Sam: No, he's just a moron.
Kaian: Oh, whatever...hey, you know who we're missing?
Sam: We're missing someone?
Kaian: Yeah.
Sam: Oh. Who?
Kaian: I don't know.
Sam: Why did you even bother to say anything then? Stop taking up space with your useless tex- I mean, words!
Kaian: But do you know who should be here?
Sam: No, I don't. Who?
Kaian: Whatsherface.
Sam: ...Whosherface?
Kaian: Yeah, that's her.
Sam: No seriously, who?
Kaian: That new person.
Sam: Wha? Are you talking about Najaran?
Kaian: ...Who the HELL is Najaran?
Spider: Your mom's Najaran! *steps on a land mine and explodes into YOUR MOM guts everywhere*
Sam: ...That chick you used to be with, whom Matthew is hitting on at this very moment.
Kaian: *looks at Matthew* Oh right, her, no, that's not who I'm talking about.
Sam: Then...is it Vivi? Cause Vivi's cool.
Kaian: No, uhh...hang on, I almost got the name...it started with an H, I just know it...well, I give up.
Sam: Uh...OH! You mean that Hailey chick?
Kaian: Sure why not.
Sam: Oh. Who the hell is that?
Kaian: I don't know, but Jared said something about her being like him or something. *points at Grage*

Sam: Hm...oh I see. Well, not really, but whatever.
Kaian: Okay, I'll get in contact with her then! After I finish sleeping. *falls asleep*
Sam: ...Okay. Ugh, I completely forgot about watching the match talking this gibberish with you!! *turns back to the TV screen*
BACK IN THE ARENA...
Yami: *hair cut like an eraser* AAAAAAAAGH!! Stay away!
Link: Come on and fight me you coward!
Kain: *has a bandage on his head* Pathetic. JUST KILL HIM ALREADY!!
Link: *leaps forward and swings his sword, grazing the top of Yami's head*
Yami: *rest of hair falls off* OH NO! IT'S THE NEW YEARS PARTY ALL OVER AGAIN!
Link: *goes to swing sword again, but it's caught by a belt* What the...?
Yami: *looks all season 1 Yu-Gi-Oh evil* You have trespassed into my soul.
Link: I just cut off your hair...
Yami: You will pay.
Link: ...How is your belt holding my sword?
Yami: Be quiet and face me, in this shadow game! *arena goes all dark and purply*
Audience: *starts complaining because they can't see what's happening now*
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: Aw damn, I knew someone was going to bring shadow magic into this! ...I also knew it was going to be Yami! That dammit! Which, is why I made that protective glass out of special material!
Seto: How is glass going to let people see into that haze? Where the hell did it come from anyway?
Sam: Oh Seto, will you EVER stop being in denial about shadow magic!? Goddamn. You were in the freaking shadow realm how many times?
Grage: Yeah, you Goddamn. Should have stayed there.
Sam: Shut up Grage. Anyway. Johnson! Go tell the announcer to activate the shadow view effect in the glass! NOW!!
Johnson: HooHWAW!! *runs away*
Sam: ...Okay then.
OUT THERE...
Johnson: *leaps up and smashes through the announcer's window* HWAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!
The Announcer: ...What? The glass...oh, the glass, right! *speaks through the microphone* Sorry for the interruption, people, you'll be seeing the fight again soon enough! Like, right now! *pushes a button and suddenly through the glass Yami and Link are visible again*
Audience: *cheers loudly, only to die down right away at what they see*
Yami and Link: *playing duel monsters*
Link: Okay, so how am I supposed to start my turn again?
Yami: It's my turn right now, see, and when you start you have to draw one card. Then you can decide which one to use and-
Sam: *stomps out* What the HELL IS THIS?!?! YOU!!! *points at Link* you have a freaking sword! Chop his head off for crying out loud!!
Audience: *cheers in agreement*
Yami: Hey, doing this has always been dangerous to do and exciting to watch! He could easily be sent to the shadow realm, you know.
Sam: >.>" This...is NOT. A card tournament. This...this is SPARTA!!!
Link: o.O
Yami: O.o
Sam: ...Anyway. Put your little monster cards away, Yami. If you want to use them, make it interesting. Bring a monster out for real and have it attack Link, for real. Link, you're used to fighting monsters, make this INTERESTING! NOW! *turns and goes back into the meeting hall*
Yami: ...But...that's against the rules...
Link: Wait, you mean these things are real? *look of realization comes across his face* Oh my GOD! She wasn't lying, you ARE working for Ganondorf's release! You evil fiend!! You must die! *jumps up and his cards fly everywhere* I won't let you win!
Yami: My cards! How could you? *GASP* Kuriboh, NO!!
*Kuriboh card flies into grinder*
Yami: *mortified look on face* You! You'll PAY!
Link: Oh yeah!? You weren't even giving me a challenge before, what could be different this time? *draws his sword again*
Yami: Oh, but you forget. Just like Sam said, I have the monsters on my side. Kuriboh...I will avenge you! Dark Magician! Gaia The Fierce Knight! And Curse of Dragon! Help me take him down!
*monsters appear all menacingly*
Link: Ha, I've seen uglier monsters before! *readies himself for battle*
Announcer: *dings bell* Only five minutes remain! Who will win in this battle for justice?
Yami: Monsters, attack him!
Dark Magician: *fires evil blast of doom at Link*
Link: *hits it back at him with his sword and dodges an attack by Gaia*
Yami: *somehow manages to block Link's sword with his belt again and flings it off to the side* Not so tough now, are you?
Link: Big talk for someone hiding behind his monsters! That wasn't my only sword. *grins* But I don't think I'll need one for this!
Yami: You might need one for that! *points behind Link at Curse of Dragon swooping in with that highly annoying ear piercing screech*
Link: *acts quickly, bringing out the megaton hammer and smashing its face in*
Yami: Gaia! Help us out here!
Gaia: *kicks his horse in the side and it gallops full speed towards Link as he readies his sword*
Link: *jumps to the side, narrowly dodging the giant sword and puts the megaton hammer away, pulling his bomb bag out* Sorry to disappoint you, but even stalfos pose more of a challenge than these. *takes out a bomb and throws it forward where it will be in the horse's path on its way back* Now you! *turns to Yami* It's time to stop stalling your defeat!
Yami: Gaia! No! *looks behind Link and an explosion is heard, and Gaia the Fierce Knight flies off into the grinder* Rrr!! You've killed my strongest monsters...
Link: That's too bad. *draws his sword* Now there's nothing for you to hide behind! *charges at Yami with his sword up, screeching like a banshee*
Timer: 3...
Yami: No! Wait, I-
Timer: 2...
Link: AHHH!!!! *swings his sword forward*
Timer: 1!!
*buzzer sounds, and suddenly all is quiet in the arena*
Link: *standing still by Yami now, his sword out in front of him*
Yami: ......
Announcer: And the time is up! But...did he make it?
Yami: ... *head falls off*
Audience: *goes mad*
Announcer: And...we have a WINNER!! Link!!
Link: *sighs in relief and stands up straight, putting his sword away* I did it...
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: Damn, he beat Yami like a million times better than I thought he would! Good. That Goddamn frick and his cards...trying to bore up my tournament.
Jared: *appears* Don't you mean, OUR tournament?
Sam: *looks* o.O You're supposed to be DEAD! And while you're dead, it is mine.
Jared: Oh, okay, fine. I'll see you soon! *disappears*
Samaya: ...How in Ra's name does he continue to do that?
Sam: *shrug* Dunno. See, that's why it's hard to be sad when he's dead. He keeps appearing out of nowhere no matter what!
Samaya: Oh. o.O Okay then...
Vlaid: Wow, I think that was the longest fight so far...
Sam: Yeah, and after Yami's cards were ground up, it got really interesting, so more people should come tomorrow! Awesome.
Link: *walks back in* Well, I defeated him. Can I go home now?
Sam: NO! You gotta stay for the quarter finals!
Link: Quarter finals?
Sam: Yeah...um...you'll see tomorrow, I promise. After the qualifying matches are over and done with.
Link: But you said this was for the good of Hyrule!
Sam: When the HELL did I say tha- Oh, oh right. Yeah, it is! Sure...
Vlaid: It is?
Sam: *whispers* Shut uuup...
Vlaid: o.O
Sam: Just, be quiet and eat some barbeque chips, okay?
Link: ...Okay. *shrugs and goes to the buffet table*
Kaian: *wakes up* Oh GOD! Did I miss it?! Is Yami dead?!?!? *stands up*
Sam: You sure did! It was AWESOME.
Kaian: ...GOD DAMMIT!!!! *sits back down*
Sam: So, you said you were gonna contact some chick?
Kaian: I was?
Sam: Uh, yeah.
Kaian: ...hmmm...Oh YEAH! Now I remember, okay then. *opens mind link*
Hailey: *walks into Meeting Hall*
Sam: HI new chick!
Kaian: Got through, you!
Hailey: I'm right behind you, you IDIOT! *smacks him in the back of the head
Kaian: Oww...what the HELL?!?!?!?!
Sam: So...if she's gonna take part...well then we have to introduce her all cool like so she doesn't seem like she's just a retarded last minute entrant. You know, like she is.
Kaian: But how?
Sam: I dunno. Surprise opponent for the winner of the last qualifying match? That would keep the numbers even...
Kaian: Yeah, that would work, what you say?
Hailey: I don't care. *looks around* It's quiet around here, where's Jared?
Sam: Uh, he's dead right now. But he'll be back. Eyup.
Hailey: He never stays dead.
Sam: Anope.
Kari: Anyway...Sammy, is the next match starting soon?
Sam: Hm? Should be...you seem to be looking forward to it all of a sudden. What's up?
Kari: Well I'm worried about it is all. And I kind of just...want to get it over with now.
Sam: Oh...well, don't worry, it'll be fine! ^^
Grage: Yeah, we'll definitely bring you and Ryou back later.
Sam: Grage!
Grage: What? *shrug* You will...won't you?
Sam: I- That's not the point! Quit...being a jerk! *pout*
Grage: I wasn't- Okay, I was.
Kari: ...Aw...
Sam: Where the hell is Johnson?
Grage: I don't think he came back from when you sent him out to tell the announcer about changing the glass or whatever.
Sam: Oh. Well, he SHOULD be getting the next two contestants chosen!
OUT THERE...
Johnson: *poking The RANDOMIZER with a stick* Hoohwah... *grumbles and shakes the machine, which appears to be jammed*
Audience: *starts talking boredly*
Johnson: HooHWAH!! *kicks the machine angrily and little containers spill out EVERYWHERE* HWAAAAAAAAHH!! *runs around picking them up frantically*
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: *watching on screen* Oh, Ra damn it all...I'll be right back. *goes to a door with a "DO NOT ENTER" sign on it and opens it to reveal a flight of stairs*
Ryou: Where do those lead...?
Sam: Announcer.
Vlaid: But those go down!
Sam: Yeah. I know. *starts going down stairs and closes door behind her*
OUT THERE...
Johnson: *is busy trying to stuff the containers back into the machine*
Announcer: Um...well, people, we appear to be...experiencing some technical difficulties...
Audience: *starting to complain*
Announcer: Now, now, shut up, I'm sure we'll get this sorted out soo- what the- hey, I said nobody is allowed in here! Oh...oh, alright. People, there's going to be a short intermission while we get this problem fixed. Please take this time to get something from our snack bars.
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Kaian: Alright! This is the chance! You there! *points at Grage* Get your bass guitar. And you! *points at Gregory* Get your drums. We're puttin' on a show!
Grage: I have a bass guitar? *looks beside him and sees one* What do you know...
Gregory: *scratches head, shrugs and takes his mini drum set out with him on a wagon*
OUT THERE...
Kaian, Gregory and Grage: *walk (and scuttle) into the arena*
Announcer: While we're getting our technical difficulties sorted out, please enjoy this performance by three of our contestants, Kaian, Grage, and The Invincible GREGORRYYY!!!
The three: *stand in a triangle formation and set everything up*
Grage: So uh, what the hell are we doing? And where the HELL is your guitar?
Kaian: We're playing YYZ by Rush, and my guitar...my guitar is right here! *holds fist in the air and lightning strikes it*
*smoke clears and Kaian is holding his electric guitar*
Grage: ...Does it always come like that?
Kaian: Nah, I only do that when there's a crowd watching.
Grage: Oh.
Gregory: *hands Grage some music sheets*
Grage: *scans sheets* ...Huh. Kay then.
Kaian: Ready?
Grage: *picks up bass guitar* Let's do this, then.
Gregory: *holds up little drumsticks*
Announcer: *dims the lights in the arena and spotlights shine on the trio*
Gregory: *starts brushing drumstick over chimes making little dinging sounds*
Everyone: *starts playing for a time before. BASS SOLO!*
Grage: *plays through it without a hitch even though he only seen the music sheets once*
Gregory: *plays his drum solo after they play together for a moment*
*repeat Grage and Gregory scene twice more times*
Kaian: *plays his FOUR guitar solos with Grage and Gregory playing in the background time to time*
IN THE AUDIENCE...
Ezekiel: That Grage...thinks he's so good... *grumbles*
Kain: This isn't as exciting as seeing someone being disemboweled, but... *shrug*
MOMENTS LATER...
Kaian, Grage, and Gregory: *are finished with their awesome performance, in which they got five stars for, and a standing ovation*
BACK IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: *door with the "DO NOT ENTER" sign on it opens and Sam comes down looking at a newspaper* Wow! Check this out! *shows everyone and it's like the newspaper from Guitar Hero, with all of Grage, Kaian and Gregory's stats and everything
Jared: *appears* Holy crap! *looks at paper* They didn't miss a single note. At all, and they got five stars! Holy crap! *disappears*
Sam: ...Yup. *throws newspaper into the fireplace* Now then, The RANDOMIZER should be really be fixed by now.
Vlaid: ...Um, Sam?
Sam: Yeah?
Vlaid: Did you just come down those stairs?
Sam: ...Yeah?
Vlaid: But, they went down before...
Sam: ...Yeah?
Grage: *walks in* Yeah, those stairs are pretty retarded.
Sam: Hey Grage, you're in the newspaper!
Grage: ...Okay then. *shrugs and sits down* I think that other thing is fixed by the way.
Sam: FINALLY! The tournament should be getting back on track now then.
OUT THERE...
Johnson: *finishes closing the back of the machine up with a screwdriver* HooHWAH! *gives a thumbs up to the camera* Hoohwaha... *goes to the front of the machine and presses some buttons and the machine starts up again*
Announcer: And it would appear that we're back on track, people, so let's get this next match picked!
Crowd: *cheers*
Johnson: *gets two little containers and tosses them up to the announcer*
Announcer: Alright! Now then...the next two competitors are...Seth and Kaian!
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Kaian: Alright! This'll be simple.
Seth: Are you sure? MWAH HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *lightning flashes*
Kaian: ...Yeah.
Seth: ...Oh. *walks to the arena*
Kaian: I'll kill him so fast he won't even realize it! *runs off after him*
Samaya: ...Well, this ought to be interesting. I trust my brother's fighting skills, but then...that blonde kid's pretty weird...
Sam: Indeed. I don't think he even has any friends.
Kari: That's kind of sad...I feel bad for him.
Sam: Well, maybe if he actually kills Kaian in a horrible way, you won';t feel that way anymore!
Kari: ... o.O
Ryou: Um...anyway.
Sam: Right.
OUT THERE...
Announcer: And here are our next two contestants. *resets timer* Are you ready?
Kaian: Hell yeah! Bring it on!! *brings out Sennen Kusarigama*
Seth: Sure why not. *sitting down building a card house*
Announcer: 3...2...1...FIGHT!
Seth: *stands up, destroying his card house in a fiery inferno* Bring it Kaian!
Kaian: *swinging his SENNEN item around* Alright! I'm not holding back! *hits himself in the face* Ow! Damn it!
Seth: *runs up to him and stabs a needle into him*
Kaian: What the hell is this? *kicks him away and pulls the needle out*
Seth: *gets up* Plaga Suppressor.
Kaian: WHAT!?!?
Seth: That's right, now let's continue!
Kaian: Plaga or not, I can still kill you! *taking steps around Seth while swinging the Kusarigama above his head...MENACINGLY*
Seth: *pulls a sword out of nowhere*
Kaian: I know how to get past a sword. *throws Kusarigama blade at Seth and the chain extends...menacingly*
Seth: *swings blade at Kaian's and it deflects it into the air*
Kaian: No God damn way, how the hell did you get so good at this?
Seth: Being a doctor isn't the only thing I'm good at, Kaiana!
Kaian: HEY! You swore never to bring that up again!
Seth: *charges at Kaian with sword up in the air* Take this! *swings at him*
Kaian: *dodges to the side narrowly avoiding the blade and retracts the blade of the Kusarigama*
Kusarigama blade: *flies back and manages to cut Seth's shoulder before the chain completely retracts into the handle*
Seth: Ow, what the HELL!?
Kaian: This is a fight remember? *swings the blade at Seth again*
Seth: *backs up and avoids being hit again, holding his sword up in defense against another blow* Don't leave yourself opened Kaian. *trips him to the ground*
Kaian: Fuck! *falls to ground and his weapon flies to the side
Seth: *goes up to him and steps on his chest holding sword out to his face* Looks like it';s over...Kaian.
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: Holy crap! *puts hand on Samaya's shoulder* I'm sorry for your losses, Samaya. As the co-creator of this tournament, it is my utmost duty to bring your loved ones back after the tournament is over, and- *gets punched in the face* OW!! What the HELL?!?
Samaya: You just don't know when to shut up, do you?
Sam: ...I- ... *silent*
Jounouchi: PWNED!
Sam: *flips him off*
Jounouchi: Aw...
Kari: Oh no...maybe if someone made friends with him he wouldn't be like this...
Sam: Oh, stop it. Seth's just that creepy guy nobody likes. This was inevitable.
Samaya: You starting this stupid tournament in the first place wasn't inevitable.
Sam: No, but who's to say Seth wouldn't have snapped sometime anyway? At least here you know, it's just blowing off some steam. Or something.
Grage: Can we stop discussing Seth's mental state and continue watching the match already?
Sam: Oh yeah, the match! Right. *continues watching*
OUT THERE...
Seth: I think it's about time someone killed you! MWAH HAHAHAHA!!!
Kaian: I was already dead. You know, speared off a horse some three thousand years ago? Yeah. And let's not forget that time when I was vaporized in half, man I still remember that somehow, do you remember that Seth? I remember it like it happened-
Seth: Shut up! That's not the point! Ah screw the point! Imma KILL YOU!! *raises sword up*
Crowd: *cheering all wildly*
Kaian: You know Seth, I've learned something today, and with that new knowledge, I now know that you should never leave yourself opened. Like you are right now! *raises leg and kicks Seth in the crotch*
Crowd: *gasps*
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: Oh...low blow...I didn't know Kaian did stuff like that to win things...although I guess it was to be expected.
Samaya: ... *sigh*
OUT THERE...
Kaian: *gets up and goes to pick up his weapon*
Seth: *on the ground, in pain*
Kaian: *walks up to him* Are you ready?
Seth: Sure...why not.
Kaian: *extends chain* Then let's get this over with.
Seth: *gets up shakily*
Kaian: *throws blade and the chain wraps around Seth's throat* Damn Seth...you were almost a challenge. Too bad.
Seth: Wait, Kaian I surr-
Kaian: I'll see you in hell Seth. *violently yanks chain back ripping Seth's head off*
Audience: *cheers their approval*
Announcer: AND WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!!!!!!...!!!! Kaian Amennestawy!
Kaian: Hn. *walks back into meeting hall*
Announcer: Our next match will be picked in a matter of minutes, so please be patient.
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: Nice going, Kaian.
Samaya: Was that method of immobilization really necessary?
Kaian: I don't care, as long as I won.
Sam: ...Eh. *shrug* I thought you was a goner for a second there anyway. Now then. *stands up on the couch* I think this teaches us all a valuable lesson! *takes a deep dramatic breath* Don't take forever standing over your opponent to talk while leaving yourself open! Although I must say, it does make for an interesting turn when you get your ASS KICKED because of it. And what an opportunity he had. I mean, how fricken long were we talking in here while he was just standing around boasting? I have to complain to him after he comes back to life.
Seto: Sam, get off the couch.
Sam: But I feel tall and important up here!
Seto: ...Seriously, get off the couch.
Sam: AwwwwWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sits down*
Gregory: *makes claw movements and points to the hall to the arena*
Sam: You're right Gregory, the next match should be starting soon!
Kari: I wonder who will be next...
Sam: Nothing to worry about Kari! There's no way in hell you could be paired against someone like Bill or Gregory now!
Kari: Um...
Sam: Yup. Hey look, next match is being chosen! *points to screen and everyone looks*
OUT THERE...
Announcer: Okay, now our next match will take place! And the next two contestants are...Samaya and Kari!
IN THE MEETING HALL..
Sam: Ah crap.
Samaya: *comes out of the washroom* What?
Kari: Uh...it looks like we're up next, Maya.
Samaya: *raises eyebrow* What? Us? Damn, I wanted to face Sam...
Sam: o.e
Grage: ...You know, Sam, if someone doesn't die a horrible bloody death like in all the other matches, you could lose viewers. Millions of viewers.
Sam: Don't be exaggerating...damn it, how can I fix this...hmm...
Kari: Well...um...if I have to fight then... *picks up her spear like weapon*
Samaya: Wow, where did you manage to find that?
Kari: It was in Ryou's attic! I guess his dad has this collection of stuff from other places.
Samaya: Oh...shall we get this over with, then? *stands up*
Kari: I guess... *goes to walk to the hallway leading to the arena*
Sam: WAIT! I GOT IT!! *stands triumphantly on the couch*
Samaya: What? >.>"
Sam: Well, you know, what's the second highest rated thing to get viewers? Wait, not even. The first rated thing!
Kari: ...Uh...no commercials?
Sam: No. Even better! Everyone uses it!
Grage: Cars?
Kaian: Beer?
Seto: ...Money?
Kaolla: Food?
Matthew: Hot chicks getting it on?!
Sam: No...!
Kaian: Oh! I know what it is! Could it be...
Matthew: Hot chicks getting it on?!
Everyone: *stares*
Sam: ...No, Matthew. Just...no. But, it involves women, yes.
Kaian: I was just thinking about strippers!
Sam: You're married! You terrible, terrible person. And no. It's SEX APPEAL!
Samaya and Kari: WHAT?!
Sam: Think about it. Even if you two don't maul each other to a million tiny, bloody pieces, if you strut around and fight with your cool weapons and maybe rip each other's clothes here and there, the people won't complain one bit!
Samaya: I'm MARRIED!
Sam: Till death do you part. And what's this? Oh! Seth is DEA- *gets bricked off the couch* OWW!!
Samaya: You... *growls* Let's go, Kari. *turns and walks out to the arena with her*
Matthew: Are they seriously going to do that?
Sam: *lying on ground with a brick imprint on face* I don't know...maybe if they don't want to kill each other...maybe not.
Grage: Huh. Well, it should be an interesting match either way.
Vlaid: What is that supposed to mean? >.>"
Grage: Uh...uh...I love you. *grope*
Vlaid: -_-"
OUT THERE...
Announcer: And there are our two contestants. Are you ready? *resets timer*
Samaya: *standing with her arms crossed in thought* ...Yeah.
Kari: ... *looks uncomfortable*
Announcer: Yes? No? Whatever, we're starting! 3...2...1... FIGHT!!
Samaya: *sighs and Sennen sword materializes in her hand* Okay.
Kari: *holds up her weapon slowly* I don't know about this...
Samaya: *whispers* would you rather me cut you to pieces real quick?
Kari: o.o" Uh, no thanks.
Samaya: Okay then, just... *sigh* Well, you know what to do then. *starts circling her with her sword up in defense*
IN THE AUDIENCE...
Matthew: *pushes past Kain and Dante and sits down with a bucket of popcorn* Now this I gotta see up close!
Kain: *brushes popcorn off that Matthew dropped all over him* What's so special about this match?
Matthew: What do you mean what's so special about this match? Two hot chicks fighting in clothes like that! What are you gay?! *stuffs popcorn into his mouth*
Kain: *hits Matthew on the back very hard making him spit all the popcorn out of his mouth*
Malik: *gets hit in the back of the head with Matthew's spewed out popcorn* AH! What the hell... *reaches up* EWW!! What the hell?!?! *turns around* You bastard! That's disgusting! Ugh, it's all in my hair...! *starts freaking out*
Matthew: ... *whispers to Kain* What a freak huh?
Kain: I've seen worse. Much...worse. Like this one time, I think it was about three months ago, I was fighting those idiot Lightbearers, and then out of nowhere... *trails off into his boring story*
Matthew: Uh...huh. Yeah, interesting... *busy watching the match*
UH...YEAH, THE MATCH...
Samaya: *dodging swipes made by Kari and almost gets hit by the spear* Hey, you know you're not half bad with that.
Kari: You think so? I tried practicing with it a lot before now actually...ah! *jumps back and narrowly avoids getting hit with the sword*
Samaya: That's something I normally couldn't picture you doing at all...anyway...I think it's about time to put that...plan...into action.
Kari: Oh...alright then.
Samaya: Ahem. *readies sword and starts walking slowly around Kari*
Kari: *does the same, holding her spear out in front of her* Anytime now, I guess...
Samaya: Eheh...yeah...
Audience: *watches expectantly*
Samaya: Now! Take this! *charges and jumps at Kari, swiping her sword forward and cutting the shoulder strap of her outfit*
Matthew: *in the audience* WOO!! MORE! DO MORE!!
Kain: *still telling his boring story*
Kari: *having a hard time trying to keep up with Samaya's attacks, blocking more than anything, but manages to rip up the side of Samaya's skirt*
Some guy in the audience: TAKE IT OFF!
Kari: *looks uncomfortably at the audience and whispers* Hey Samaya, will this really work...?
Samaya: It better...otherwise, we're just making fools of ourselves! *swings her sword again*
Kari: *gasps as her kitty bandana falls off in pieces* Maya!
Samaya: ...Oops. Not! *keeps going forward, trying to look like she's fighting seriously*
IN THE AUDIENCE...
?????: *watching ominously* That one with the pink...she's not fighting seriously, is she...?
????: I don't know. That other girl really looks like she knows how to fight though!
?????: Yes. I don't think that's the type of person that should be here.
????: ...Will she lose?
?????: Soon enough.
ANYWAY...
Kari: *shoulder armour has been cut off and she's struggling to keep herself and anymore of her clothes from being cut again*
Samaya: You know...this is getting awfully boring. I think...maybe we should end this.
Kari: Huh? I know...but there's still almost eight minutes left on the timer...
Samaya: That's not what I meant. *eyes narrow* I'm still not happy with Sam right now...and the crowd isn't looking that entertained anyway. *readying her sword* I can end this quickly. You'll come back. *starts going towards Kari*
Kari: Wh-what? But, you said...
Samaya: It's alright. No offense...but you wouldn't have lasted in this tournament anyway! *raises sword and starts running at her*
Kari: *gasps and shuts her eyes* Samaya!
*silence*
Kari: *shaking slightly, still has her eyes closed and slowly opens them* S-Samaya? *looks to see Samaya's blade held like two inches from her face* Uh...
Samaya: *shocked look on face, fingers trembling and lets go of her sword*
Kari: Eep! *jumps back* Samaya? ...Maya, what's wrong?
Samaya: *breathing shortly, and falls to her knees and forward onto the ground*
Kari: Samaya? *steps forward hesitantly*
Samaya: *lying motionless on the ground now*
Announcer: ...Is she dead?
Kari: *kneels down and checks her pulse quickly* Oh...oh no. Sammy!! *stands up* Sammy!! We need, a doctor or something, she's, she's-
Johnson: *runs out carrying a stretcher over his head*
Announcer: So she's dead?
Johnson: *checks her pulse for himself* ... *turns to the announcer box and gives a thumbs up* HooHWAH!
Announcer: And the winner of the 11th match is KARI!!! By default.
Kari: ...
Johnson: *somehow manages to get Samaya's body onto the stretcher and carries her away into the meeting hall*
Kari: ... *slowly begins gathering the shredded remains of her bandana, and starts walking back to the meeting hall too*
IN THE AUDIENCE...
?????: Right on time. *evil grin*
????: Yey! Misa was a big help too, right Light?
Light: Yes...of course.
Misa: *smiles proudly and snuggles his arm*
IN THE MEETI- WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!?
Matthew: I've seen better fights in a cereal box! GOD DAMN IT! Oh well. *walks out of audience into meeting hall*
...NOW IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: *standing over Samaya, resisting urge to poke her with a stick* What happened?
Johnson: *shrug* Hwahah.
Jared: Maybe it had something to do with him! *points in the dark shadowy corner in the audience*
Sam: What, Light? Naaaahhhhhhhhhh...
Seto: *checking Samaya*
Sam: Do YOU know how she might have died? You're smart!
Seto: It looks like she died of a-
Johnson: *flipping through giant medical book and stops suddenly, pointing at a certain page* HooHWAH!!
Sam: HEART ATTACK?!
Jared: I told you! *disappears*
Sam: *gasps* That jerk! After I got rid of L for him. Oh wait, different realm L, right. But...uh...still! >.>"
Kari: *walks back into the meeting hall again finally, her kitty bandana stitched up and back on her head*
Ryou: Kari! *goes to her* Are you alright?
Kari: I'm...I don't know.
Ryou: *hugs her* It's alright...
Jared: *appears again* You know what?
Sam: No I don't. What?
Jared: *looks around the room* Kaian and Kaolla aren't here.
Sam: Gosh, I WONDER WHY. *looks around* Hey, lots of people aren't here. Anywho, I've got to take care of something. *walks away*
Jared: Interesting. *disappears*
Johnson: Hoohwah! HAHAHWAH!?!? *points at Samaya's dead body*
Sam: *calls back* Just put her with the other dead people!
Johnson: Hoohwah?
Sam: No, you stupid! In the dead room!
Johnson: *shrugs and picks up the stretcher with Samaya on it again* HooHWAH! *disappears*
Seto: ...The dead room?
Sam: Yes. I don't think you wanna go in there. Oh yeah, and please, everyone, if you could all keep an eye on Wilson...make sure he stays AWAY from the dead room. Otherwise...well, keep your memories of these people alive.
Grage: The dead room is unreachable for most though...
Sam: Yeah, let's keep it that way. VLAID.
Vlaid: What?!
Sam: Nothing, you just haven't said anything in forever. Hey, wasn't I going to do something? Damn you people, distracting me. Oh yeah, and day's over now. The announcer should be telling the audience now. *walks away*
OUT THERE...
Announcer: And the next mat- wait...yeah, that's it for today, people come back tomorrow for the conclusion of the preliminaries!
Audience: *starts getting up and talking and leaving*
Kain: And so I will go back and I will kill them all! Nope, those guys haven't seen the last of me yet. And that's what happened, interesting huh? *looks beside him* ...huh? Hey, where'd he go?
AT THE ARENA ENTRANCE...
Sam: *standing by the wall, waiting for a certain someone to come by*
Dante: *walks by and gets tripped*
Sam: Heeheehee. *goes to wait somewhere else for Light*
Light: *exiting the audience stands with Misa*
Sam: Hey you guys! *steps in front of them*
Light: Can we help you...?
Sam: Sure ya can. Look, I'm all for making the world a better place too, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to get the hell out of my realm!
Misa: Huh? *looks at Light* Light, what is this girl saying?
Light: What are you talking about?
Sam: Come with me. *turns and motions for them to follow her*
Light and Misa: ... *go with her*
Sam: *in another room, and smiles when they both walk in after her* Good, you're cooperating! Now I'm going to ask you to leave again...just go through here, yup! *opens a portal*
Misa: Huh?! What the heck is that thing? I'm not going through there!
Sam: Ahem. *looks at Light* This shouldn't be too hard to believe, but this isn't your realm, nor the shinigami realm, obviously. Your realm is currently without you, the taskforce is most likely wondering where the hell you are, and Kira isn't killing anyone, which probably looks highly suspicious. Get through this portal, and all will be well! Or something.
Light: You know who I am?
Sam: That's why I brought you here. You're cool and stuff. Now hurry up and go, I can't hold this thing open forever! Geez.
Light: *looks at Sam, then the portal* ...Let's go then, Misa.
Misa: ...Okay, if you say so, Light!
*both of them go through the portal and Sam closes it*
Sam: *sigh* Finally! ^^ *leaves the room, and closes the door behind her*
THE NEXT DAY...
Audience stands: *full of people talking and stuff*
Meat grinder: *has been cleaned...again*
The RANDOMIZER: *in good working condition*
Johnson: *standing by the machine, waiting for the cue to start it up*
Sam: *in the announcer box again, and pokes the announcer with a stick* Okay, you can start now! I'm going back to the meeting hall now. *leaves*
Announcer: Welcome everyone, day three is on the road now, the day we will finish the preliminary matches, and get closer to finding out which of these people is our grand champion of death!! Alright, Johnson! Start that thing.
Johnson: Hoohwah! *presses a few buttons and the Randomizer starts up, expelling two containers after a few moments* Hwah! *tosses them up to the announcer*
Announcer: And the 12th match is between! *opens both containers* ...Yugi Moto and Jounouchi Katsuya!
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: *bursts through the door with the "DO NOT ENTER" sign on it, where you see a flat hallway behind her* OOOOOOHHHH!!! Suckas! *goes and sits down on the couch beside Seto* This doesn't seem like it's going to be very interesting fight wise, but hm...oh my God, this is going to be so boring and unnecessarily emotional! I shouldn't have sent Light home, he could just kill Jounouchi or something so we can get a better match up.
Jounouchi: Ya know, we're RIGHT HERE.
Sam: What? Oh, right, yeah.
Grage: *snickers* You're being pretty harsh today, Sam.
Sam: Haven't I been harsh through this whole tournament so far though? *smiles*
Grage: *shrug* Maybe. Haven't really noticed.
Sam: Anyway...you two have to fight.
Yugi: I won't.
Sam: You have to! You know the one most important rule! Maybe I should just have Jounouchi thrown in the grinder...
Jounouchi: What?!
Sam: In a dog suit! Hahah- nah. BOB! Get those two to the arena! And if they start crying over not wanting to hurt their best friend and go into a million flashbacks, well just throw them in the grinder. They probably won't notice.
Bob: DOOM. *goes and picks them up by the back of their shirts and carries them down the hall to the arena, then tosses them out and stands by ominously*
Jounouchi and Yugi: *go flying* AAHHH!! *both hit the protective glass between them and the audience and fall to the ground*
Anenia: *in audience beside Bakura and snickers* What idiots.
Bakura: *smirk* Those two forced to fight to the death...this should be almost as amusing as seeing that damned pharaoh being taken down.
Yugi: Uhh... *gets up, as does Jounouchi* I really don't want to do this...
Jounouchi: Looks like we got no choice in the matter, Yugi...
Announcer: *sets timer for fifteen minutes* Alright, contestants, ARE...YOU...REAAAADY!?!?!?!? 3...2...1...FIGHT!!
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Jared: Man I'm bored already.
Sam: Yeah man. I'm going to sleep. *lays down on couch*
Jared: WAIT!
Sam: Eh?
Jared: I have an idea!
Sam: ...Does it involve food?
Jared: I wish, no.
Sam: Okay, what?
Jared: It involves possession.
Sam: ...I'm listening...
Jared: You see, this match is going to be the gayest boringest most-
Sam: What have I told you about using that word offensively, you Goddamned stupid ghost?!
Jared: You're a ghost.
Sam: Your MOM's a ghost!
Jared: No she isn't.
Sam: Yeah I know. But seriously. You frick.
Jared: Whatever, anyway, stupidest excuse for a match ever. So that's where my plan comes in, I possess one of those losers and make it interesting!
Sam: *sits up* Oooh, I see! But Yugi already went against a possessed Jounouchi before, and Yugi...Yugi's a little idiot who can't fight. Possess him! And use the puzzle as a weapon. See, I never got why Yugi never just bashed in his opponent's heads with that thing...
Jared: Exactly, now watch as my plan works! *disappears*
Grage: ...Huh, I think that actually might work.
Sam: Of course. Now I have an excuse to watch the match interestedly! *turns on the TV*
OUT THERE...
Jounouchi and Yugi: *having a flashback fest and boring up the tournament*
Bob: *about to go out and throw them into the meat grinder when Johnson leaps onto his shoulder and gives him a note from Sam, which he reads* ...DOOM. *crosses arms and continues standing there ominously*
Jared: *standing behind Yugi all invisible and stuff* Alright, let's put a stop to this boring thing. *possesses Yugi*
Yugi: *eyes go blank*
Jounouchi: This reminds me of that time we had to face each other in Duelist Kingdom and- ...hey Yugi you okay?
Yugi/Jared: *takes his puzzle off of his neck and starts swinging it around* Get ready to DIE, JOUNOUCHI KATSUYA!!!
Jounouchi: Huh? Yugi, what're you talkin' about? We're not really gonna fight! Are we? I mean, we're best- *gets thwacked across the face with the puzzle* OW!! *stumbles back and holds his cheek* Dat HURT!! What's wrong with you?
Yugi/Jared: *goes forth and kicks Jounouchi in the shin*
Jounouchi: AHG! Yugi stop it, this isn't right, we can find out another way!
Yugi/Jared: *runs at him and grabs his leg from the ground*
Jounouchi: *almost looses balance*
Yugi/Jared: *uses shadow magic to heighten his strength*
Jounouchi: What're you doing Yug?
Yugi/Jared: *places other hand on Jounouchi's knee and slowly bends it upwards*
Jounouchi: AAAGH! *falls back before his leg could be broken*
Yugi/Jared: *goes up to him and almost hits him with the puzzle again*
Jounouchi: *dodges* I don't know what's gotten into you Yugi but, I won't let you keep doing this! *stands up*
Yugi/Jared: *goes to attack him again*
Jounouchi: *catches his arms* Snap out of it Yug! This isn't like you.
Yugi/Jared: That doesn't matter when the only way to live is to kill you, does it? Are you really willing to sacrifice everything for something as stupid as friendship? Even if we do nothing until the end of that timer, we'll both be killed! *breaks free from Jounouchi's grasp and moves back*
Jounouchi: *looking at him with a bewildered expression* Yugi...you can't really mean that! That's not you at all! What about Anzu? This whole thing is crazy!
Yugi/Jared: What about Anzu? She's dead, that doesn't matter anymore.
Jounouchi: Yugi...that's not the kind of talk I'd ever hear from you before...something's not right here! *looks at him* I know it! So I'll do what I can to get you back to normal! *runs forward, and swings his fist at Yugi's face*
Jared: Time to leave. *leaves body*
Yugi: *gets hit in the face and goes flying back*
Jounouchi: Now wake up and stop acting crazy! This whole thing is bologna!
Yugi: *lying on the ground, and slowly lifts himself up* Ow, ow... *holds his face* Jounouchi...? Why did you do that? *looks at him*
Jounouchi: Yugi! Are you back to normal? I knew I'd get through to you- *stops*
Yugi: Jounouchi, what happened?
Jounouchi: *standing quietly, then looks at Yugi again, eyes blank*
Yugi: Jounouchi? *stands up* I don't want to fight anymore.
Jounouchi/Jared: Then let me get this over with. And I'll do that by killing you.
Yugi: Huh? Jounouchi, I thought we weren't going to-
Jounouchi: Why don't you shut up, huh? This won't take long. *charges at him and kicks him in the face*
Yugi: *goes flying again*
Jounouchi: *walks up to Yugi and picks him up by the collar of his shirt*
Yugi: ...
Jounouchi: Won't take long at all. *throws him to the ground then kicks him closer to the meat grinder* You always were weak. *goes and picks him up again*
Yugi: Jounouchi, you don't have to end it like this.
Jounouchi: Shut up. *throws him to the ground again*
Yugi: *beaten*
Jared: Time to leave once again. *leaves and possesses Yugi again*
Yugi: *gets up*
Jounouchi: *sees Yugi all beaten and still standing* Holy bologna! Yugi, what happened?
Announcer: There are but five minutes left, will someone be declared the winner? Or will they both meet their fate in the meat grinder?!?!
Jared: Gotta end this now.
Yugi: *charges at Jounouchi and goes berserk gorilla*
Jounouchi: *getting beaten badly*
Yugi: *stops going berserk gorilla*
Jounouchi: *about to loose consciousness*
Announcer: And what do we have here? I think this is a perfect way to end a match, with an old school Mortal Kombat-esque fatality. Yugi, FINISH HIM!!!
Yugi: *backs up and then runs at Jounouchi with a giant shadow magic enforced kick to the stomach, which ends up bisecting Jounouchi*
Jounouchi: *in two pieces*
Announcer: AND THE WINNER OF THE 12th MATCH, is Yugi.
Jared: *leaves Yugi's body and disappears laughing evilly*
Yugi: *looks at Jounouchi who is in two pieces and his insides are everywhere, starts to hyperventilate* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: *watching* Well, I think we've effectively scarred him for life.
Grage: Nice.
Seto: ...Well then.
Sam: No more rival for you, Seto. Your only dueling champion opponent now is...wait...wait...yeah, I dunno.
Jared: I loved doing that kick.
Sam: *gets off the couch and sits in front of the coffee table with construction paper, scissors, and glitter* Yeah man, that was funny.
Jared: I know, I should do it more often, I mean the foot tears through your mid-section and rips you apart and your insides fly everywhere.
Sam: Wilson wants to go out there now. HAHA!
Bob: *walks back in dragging an unconscious Yugi*
Sam: Yeah, um...just put him over there. *points to chair in corner*
Bob: DOOM. *goes and drops him on it*
OUT THERE...
Announcer: What a battle. And what an ending too, anyway. On to the next match! Johnso-
*phone rings*
Announcer: Hang on. *goes and answers phone* Hello? ...What, WHY?! I only used that one line!!! ...Next week?! ...Damn it! Alright I'll be there. *hangs up* ...anyway. Johnson!
Johnson: Hoohwahaha? * shrugs and starts up the Randomizer anyway, then tosses the two containers up to the announcer*
Announcer: And the next two contestants are... *opens containers* Samantha and Ryou Bakura!
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: ...AwwwWWWwwwWWWWWwWwwWWwWWWWwww!!!!! ...WWWwwWWWWww!!! *crosses arms and pouts* That's so unfair. Then again...not really. But- but I wanted to use these!!! *flings out her deadly hand held sharp blade weapons of DOOM and swings them around*
Jared: Then use them, who really cares about relationships right now?
Sam: I happen to care about Kari, and she seems a liiiiittle freaked out right now. And come on, it's Ryou! *looks at Ryou* Come on, let's go then. I'll try not to chop you to bits or anything! ^^ ...Now watch him kill me like, like "PWNT!". Yup, I just totally jinxed myself and stuff. Let's go. *walks out*
Ryou: o.O Alright then... *gets up and goes after her into the arena*
OUT THERE...
Johnson: *puts mop back into bucket and wipes sweat from brow* Hoohwah!
Sam: *walks out, followed by Ryou* Wow, guts are gone already! Nice job, Johnson.
Johnson: Hwahah! *holds up bottle labeled "Guts-B-Gone" and gives a thumbs up to a camera*
Sam: Endorsement?! Get outta my sight!
Johnson: Hwahhh...! *waves hand contemptuously and pushes mop bucket along with him back into the meeting hall*
Sam: *sighs* Uh...anyway.
Ryou: ...
Announcer: *resets timer* Are you ready?
Sam: Hell yes! *holds up deadly hand held sharp blade weapons of DOOM*
Ryou: Um...okay? o.o
Announcer: 3...2...1...FIGH- wait...that might be copyrighted by Midway Games...START!
Sam: I so wanna use these...wanna, wanna. But, but aww... *looks at Ryou*
Jared: *in the audience* THEN USE THEM!!!
Sam: *turns* GO BACK TO HELL!!
Jared: FINE! MWAH HAHAHAHAHA!! *gets consumed in flames and disappears*
Sam: Geez. Hey Ryou, you got a weapon right? If not, I'll get a stick for you!
Ryou: No, I've got one, but...
Sam: Let's see it then! Come on, come on, let's fight!
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Grage: Hn...she'd probably do better fighting against someone like Kaolla with that attitude.
Jared: No kidding.
Seto: I don't think she'll lose, at least.
Grage: Hm...maybe, maybe not.
Kari: *gets up off of her chair* I'm going to sit in the audience... *leaves*
Vlaid: I think I'll go too...it's kind of weird to sit in here watching a screen when you can see it right out there, now that I think about it... *leaves*
Grage: ...Yeah, what the hell? *gets up*
Jared: Speaking of hell, where are Kaian and Kaolla?
Grage: ...How should I know? *leaves*
Seto: They haven't shown up yet. *stands up* Nobody's seen them since yesterday. I'm going to go out there too. *leaves*
Jared: It's strange. *follows everyone else out*
OUT THERE...
Sam: HOLY CRAP!! *dodges giant spiky club* how the hell did you manage to get that in here without it being seen?!
Ryou: I guess you weren't paying me much mind... *smiles*
Sam: Aww...! How are you still so cute when you're trying to smash my head in with a deadly weapon?
Ryou: Heh...I...don't know? *shrugs and goes to swing the club at her again*
Sam: Eep! *dodges again and jumps back* Hm... *thinks* That thing looks heavy. These things are pretty easy to wield, so I can use my speed against him!
Ryou: What are you thinking, Sam? You wanted to fight, right?
Sam: Eheheh... ^^" You know, I think Bakura might've rubbed off on you a little...but if you wanna fight too, I won't complain! *readies her weapons and runs at him, dodging another attack and swipes one of her blades forward*
Ryou: *cringes as the blade hits his arm* Nice shot...but... *kicks his leg out and trips her*
Sam: GODDAMNIT!! *accidentally lets go of one of her weapons and it flies off to the side*
Ryou: You should keep a tighter grip with weapons like that, you know. They're much more effective with proper wielding.
Sam: *frowns and moves back quickly* You know, you kinda sound like Samaya, talking like that. *shrug*
Ryou: Like Samaya? I've just read up on these things a lot before. *rushes forward at her again with his club*
Sam: Agh! *holds up her one remaining weapon and barely manages to block a strong blow, nicking the club with her blade*
Ryou: *pulls it back and swings it at her again and misses when she ducks and moves off to the side*
Sam: Jeebus, don't tell me I seriously jinxed myself... *runs to get her other blade and picks it up again*
Ryou: Heheh...okay. Are you ready to get serious now? *smiles kinda...creepily*
Sam: ...Are you feeling okay? ^^" Eh...
Ryou: Just fine. Why don't we try getting this over with?
Sam: Haha, right. *runs at Ryou with her weapons of doom* I'm a kill you!
Ryou: *swings the club at her and she jumps out of the way, slashing her weapons at him again*
Sam: *manages to dodge another hit by Ryou just barely, getting grazed slightly*
IN THE AUDIENCE...
Grage: I didn't know Ryou could actually fight.
Kari: *watching worriedly* I don't know...he doesn't seem like himself.
Jared: This is boring, someone should get cut in half.
Seto: *ignores* She seems to be holding up alright though.
Vlaid: I wonder who's gonna win...?
Kaian: I hope that idiot dies.
Jared: Who? Sam or Ryou?
Kaian: Sam.
Jared: Oh, I see. That's terrible Kaian, just terr- Where the hells were you for these past thirty years?!
Kaian: ...Shut up.
Jared: Okay...but seriously, where the hell were you?
Kaolla: Hospital.
Jared: Doing what? Did you get shot? I told you that mafia business was no good.
Kaian: Shut up.
Jared & Kaian: *continue arguing on what they were doing in the hospital*
BACK TO THE FIGHT...
Ryou: *is still gaining the advantage over Sam*
Announcer: There are only five minutes left! Let's see if one of them can end it in time!
Ryou: You're still not putting up much of a fight, you know. *keeps blocking her attacks with her blades and kicks her down*
Sam: *falls back* Ah shit! *doesn't have enough time to react before he swings the giant spiky bat down on one of her legs*
Ryou: It's over now, I'm afraid. *creepy smile turns into evil Bakura smirk*
Sam: *too busy swearing in pain to notice for a moment before she glares up at him* ...You FUCKER!! You weren't INVITED!! Get back in the fucking audience!
Bakura: *leans over her, spiky club in hand* Oh...? I don't think I will just yet. I've always wanted to get rid of you...
Sam: *cringes in pain still, but continues glaring at him and growls* Bastard...I'm a kill you!
Bakura: *laughs his evil Bakura laugh in contempt* In your state? I don't think so. I'm going to enjoy killing you...
Sam: This...isn't your fight... *bleeding profusely from leg* Although...come to think of it, you might have a chance of making it a default win for Ryou...and you'll be thrown in the grinder for interfering. Go ahead and try it. I dare you!
Bakura: Tsch. I'll be out of here by then...right after I smash your head in! *smirks and goes to stand over her, readying the spiky club above his head*
Announcer: One minute!
Bakura: *starts to swing the club down at her, only to stop abruptly and lets it go flying off to the side*
Sam: *breathing heavily and sitting up with her arm out to the side, holding one of her weapons, which is red with blood*
Bakura: *shocked look on face, slowly brings hand up to throat which is spewing blood* You...you... *stumbles back*
Sam: Ha...haha...thought you were gonna win, huh?
Bakura: You bitch...I... *falls to knees and after a moment gives her an eerie smile* This...isn't so bad...after all... *coughs and bleeds more, clutching his throat* This is...Ryou's body. *closes eyes and falls forward*
Announcer: And time! It looks like Sam is the victor!
Sam: *slowly and painfully tries to make her way over to Ryou's still body* Aw shit...I just...Ryou?
Jared: Good job Sam! Killing Ryou like that!
Kari: *in the audience with everyone else* ... *gets up, and walks back to the meeting hall*
Grage: ...That wasn't the response I expected.
Vlaid: ...
Kaian: She's dead inside now.
Sam: *still on the ground with her leg mangled up and Johnson comes running out with the stretcher* Oh, thank Ra, Johnson!
Johnson: Hoohwah! *rolls Ryou's dead body onto the stretcher and runs back inside*
Sam: Aww...dissed.
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Jared: *walks back in the meeting hall...why he's walking no one knows* Alright, that's done now onward to the next battle! RIGHT NOW!!
Kaian: *walks in behind him with Kaolla* Shut up.
Jared: Awww...why?
Kaian: Cause you're dead.
Jared: But why am I dead?
Kaian: Just shut up. *goes and sits down on a couch*
Grage: *walks back into the meeting hall with Vlaid and Seto, who rushes past through the hallway leading to the arena* Where'd Kari go?
Vlaid: *looks around* Um...oh! She's over there! *points over at a couch across the room*
Grage: Oh. *looks at Johnson who is running by carrying a stretcher with Ryou on it* Hey, you just left Sam out there? I thought you went to go get her!
Johnson: Hoohwah, hwahahoohwah!
Grage: ...I didn't understand any of that, but okay. *shrugs and goes to sit on the couch with Kari*
Bob: DOOM. *goes out into the arena*
Matthew: *returns from wherever he was* What did I miss?
Jared: You missed everything, the tournament's over.
Matthew: Good, I'm going home. *about to leave*
Bob: *comes back in carrying Sam with her mutilated leg* DOOM.
Sam: Ow, ow, ow, damn it to hell, ow... *leg falls off* ...Could you get that, Bob?
Jared: HAW! Your leg fell off.
Sam: Uhhh...can someone hurry up and fix me before I get gangrene?
Seth: I can do that!
Sam: ...No thanks. Grage?
Seth: But it'll only take like thirty seconds.
Sam: Will it hurt like a million salt covered needles?
Seth: Nope, in fact, I'm already done.
Sam: *looks and her leg is fixed* ...Wow.
Jared: Let's get the next match decided. Like right now.
Sam: Sure thing. Hey...nobody noticed you in the audience did they? I don't want them to think this is a fake because YOU'RE still here.
Jared: Nope I'm dead, I even told the people who seen me.
Sam: Oh. Okay then. Johnson, you traitor! Go get the next match picked!
Johnson: Hoohwah. *goes out to the arena*
OUT THERE...
Johnson: *runs up to THE RANDOMIZER and presses a few buttons to get it running*
Announcer: Alright, the next match is to be decided now.
Johnson: *gets two containers from the machine and tosses them up to the announcer*
Announcer: And the next match is between Kaolla Amennestawy and Grage!
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Jared: HOLY CRAP! Someone's gonna die here!
Sam: Obviously.
Jared: Good, now go and kill each other.
Grage: *stands up* Finally. *walks out*
Kaian: Now remember, you're doing this for me and our kids...but mostly for me, now go out there an-
Kaolla: *gone*
Kaian: Okay then.
Sam: This has a small chance of being interesting! *runs to TV*
Seto: ...How did your leg-
Sam: ...No idea. *points at Seth and turns on the TV* He must be a witch...or maybe- Hey, wait a minute! *looks at Seth* I thought you were DEAD!!
Seth: I am.
Sam: ...Oh...kay then. I guess it's because you were created from Jared or something.
Jared: Yes, interesting indeed. *goes and watches TV also*
OUT THERE...
Grage: *standing across from Kaolla*
Kaolla: *standing across from Grage*
Announcer: And our contestants are here. *resets timer* Are you ready?! 3...2...1...START!
Grage: Alright, let's get this starte- *looks and sees Kaolla is gone* ...What the-
Kaolla: Right here! *behind him* I've got something for you! *holds out a remote control and presses the red button* MECHA TAMA ATTACK!!
Grage: Mecha what? *ground starts shaking* What did you do? *shaking stops for a moment before a huge cloud of mechanical flying turtles burst out and swarm on Grage*
Kaolla: I made these at the hospital! *controls them all and they cover Grage except for his face* Now, operation self destruct, GO!!
Grage: *trying to get them off of him when they all start glowing* Ah, fuck. *all of the turtles explode and he goes flying* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaa...
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: Holy crap!
Johnson: Hoohwahahahahahaaa! *rolling around in monkey hysterics*
Sam: Shut up, you, you- *loud sound from above the "Do Not Enter" door* What the?
Everyone: *looks*
Do not enter door: *opens, revealing Grage lying on the floor of an elevator*
Sam: Oh my God, Grage! Get out of there, you've still got five seconds to get back to the arena! Go, go before you're disqualified and Bob has to throw you in the grinder!
Grage: *stands up slowly and opens a portal beneath him, falling through it and appearing back in the arena*
OUT THERE...
Announcer: And just at the last second he returns!
Ezekiel: *in the audience, boos*
Grage: *coughs a bit and glares at Kaolla* That was a cute trick, but it's not gonna let you win, I'm afraid.
Kaolla: Hmm, nope, but I got something that will! *takes out another controller and presses a few buttons, and six little tanks drive up from where the turtles burst through the ground* Artillery assault!
Grage: ...Those? I can step on those. *goes over and stomps one*
Kaolla: Nobody steps on my inventions! *presses the largest button on the controller and a full sized tank drives up out of the hole in the ground behind her*
Grage: Where do you GET these things?
Kaolla: *jumps up onto the big tank and goes inside, and soon Grage finds himself with all of the tanks facing him*
Grage: ...This would be so much easier if you weren't hiding behind all your stupid invent-
Kaolla: FIRE!! *presses a button and all of the small tanks fire little rockets, along with the tank she's in*
Grage: Holy shit! *dodges the smaller rockets and just barely gets out of the way of the bigger rocket which explodes behind him* Ha, you missed! Why don't you...come out... *sees the little rockets coming from him at all sides*
Kaolla: Heat sensors!
Grage: Damn it to HEL- *gets hit by all of the little rockets and goes flying again*
Ezekiel: *in the audience* Don't come back!! *shakes fist like an old man*
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: ...Again? Oh Grage, you poor thing...without your shape shifting, you're prone to explosions...hm, I must remember that. *loud sound from above the "Do Not Enter" door...again* Wow, same place? *looks over with everyone else*
Do not enter door: *opens and Grage is sprawled on escalator stairs bringing him down*
Sam: Hey Grage, you alive? Better hurry up...
Grage: Urgh... *opens portal at the bottom of the escalator and he goes through to the arena again* Damn it...*stands up*
Ezekiel: *in the audience* AwwwwWWWWWWWW!!!
Grage: *ignores and looks at Kaolla who is standing across from him, tanks nowhere in sight and all the damage fixed* Okay then...you can build rocket shooting artillery, I acknowledge that...now do you want to actually fight, or what?
Kaolla: *shrugs* I used up my good explosives...so okay then. Let's fight!
Grage: Finally... *starts going over to her*
Kaolla: *runs toward him*
Grage: *runs towards her*
*slow motion occurs*
Both: *running towards each other in a flowery meadow with that music playing*
Grage: *throws a punch and everything goes back to normal*
Kaolla: *gets punched in the face, then in the stomach and gets kicked back*
Grage: *goes to attack her again*
Kaolla: *kicks him in the face, only to get punched in the face again and falls to the ground*
Grage: *bends down and yanks her up by her shirt collar, bringing her to eye level with him* I'm a kill you!
Kaolla: I don't think so bitch! *brings out remote and presses button*
Grage: What the fu-
Both: *explode and Kaolla and Grage chunks are everywhere*
Announcer: ...Umm...well, it would appear we have a draw...crap...this will cause problems.
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Kaian: ...
Jared: That was interesting.
Vlaid: ...
Sam: That WAS interesting...but...oh my God...my dark half...dead...all of it...ugh, uh, heart attack..melting...uh DEATH.
Seto: Get off the floor, Sam.
Sam: *stands up* But seriously, a DRAW!? We're missing a person we need now! The numbers are so uneven! NOOOOOOOOO!!! *explodes*
Jared: ...They're even now.
Sam: *alives* REALLY?!
Jared: Not anymore.
Sam: Damn! I think we should bring one back, for the numbers sake. Think of the numbers...
Jared: Hmm...the question is...who?
Sam: Hm... *looks at Kaian, who is all quiet, and Vlaid, who is all quiet* ...Hm...
Jared: They both seem pretty crushed right now...how about...yeah I give up.
Sam: I guess we'll have to use the randomizer again. We shall inform the audience! And if they complain, well they shouldn't, who cares. JOHNSON!! Get the hell over here!
Johnson: *on her shoulder* Hwah!
Sam: Get the hell out there!!
Johnson: *gone*
OUT THERE...
Announcer: *has been informed* Alright people, in order to keep the numbers even we have decided to resurrect one person from the draw...yup.
That group of people from the mall who were cheering Kaolla on while she was playing DDR: *gasp* WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Ezekiel: Booo!! *gets pied*
Johnson: *gets the containers containing Grage and Kaolla's names and puts them in a bowl with a lid and shakes it, then pulls one container out and throws it to the announcer*
Announcer: *opens container* And the person who will be resurrected is...Kaolla!
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: AwwwwWWWWWWWW, I'm bored already. *sits down*
Jared: Better than being killed right away.
Sam: Still boring. Oh, and sorry Vlaid, you shall have to wait.
Johnson: *comes back in carrying two brains* Hoohoohwah, hahahwahoohoo! *puts them down*
Sam: What?! You can't tell which is which? Aw man, we should just heal one brain and put the other away then, isn't that more random?
Jared: I dunno, is it?
Sam: Well then, which one is Kaolla's?
Jared: I dunno, is it?
Sam: I don't know!
Jared: Maybe.
Vlaid: Maybe you'll get lucky. *shrug* Just choose one... *looks sadly at brains*
Jared: Yeah, and if it's Grage's just bludgeon him with this stick. *holds out stick*
Sam: That's so terrible. *gets out Sennen Sword* But I guess we have no choice. *holds sword out in front of her and points it at one of the brains and taking a deep breath* ...Eeny meeny miny moe, catch a tiger by the toe, if it hollers, let him go, eeny meeny miny moe, my mother says to pick the very best and you are not it. Okay, this one! *stabs and concentrates to heal*
*seconds later*
Jared: IT'S HIM!!! *jumps on the person and starts bludgeoning the person with the stick till they are dead*
Sam: Uh...Jared?
Vlaid: *looks sadly at brain still on floor*
Jared: What? *looks at person* Aww damn it.
Kaian: *twitch* If you weren't already dead...
Sam: *sighs and sticks sword back in Kaolla's forehead to heal her again* ...There! Johnson, take that brain away from Wilson! Quickly!! WILSON, NO! NOOO!!!
Wilson: *standing all regenerator like across the room, hisses*
Sam: ...Okay then.
Johnson: *collects Grage's brain up and runs off to wherever they are stored in safety*
Jared: We should decide the next match right now, RIGHT NOW!!! RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sam: Yeah, I know.
Johnson: *returns a few moments later and runs out to the arena*
OUT THERE...
Announcer: And our next match is to be decided shortly.
Johnson: *goes and starts up THE RANDOMIZER and gets two containers which he tosses up to the announcer*
Announcer: And the next two contestants are... *opens containers* Vlaid and Rishid!
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Sam: ...Wait, who? Rishid? I don't remember anything about inviting him!!
Rishid: *steps out of dark shady corner smoking a pipe* Oh? But I've been here the whole time!
Sam: ...You don't smoke.
Rishid: Sure I d- *starts coughing and hacking* Okay, no I don't. *throws it into the fireplace* But really, I've been here the whole time
Sam: ...Oh. Well that makes sense I guess.
Seto: No it doesn't...
Vlaid: Should we go now then? *stands up and heads for the arena*
Sam: Yeah, yeah, get the hell out there. Hurry up, Rishid, or I'll have to disqualify you. I feel like disqualifying someone...
Rishid: I'm going, I'm going... *leaves after Vlaid*
Jared: This'll be boring.
Sam: Or will it...?
Jared: Yeah it will.
Sam: Probably. But Vlaid must be in the mood to kill SOMEone right now. Even better, since it's someone he doesn't know, and thus doesn't give half a damn about! 8D
Jared: He only gives half a damn about Rishid?
Sam: I doubt it. He's never met him before. Or heard of him...anyway. *turns on TV*
Jared: Yeah probably.
OUT THERE...
Announcer: And the two contestants are here. *resets timer*
Vlaid: *walks across the arena and turns around to face Rishid*
Announcer: Are you ready?!?! Maybe? I don't give a damn! 3...2...1 START!
Rishid: FOR MASTER MALIK!! *brings out sword from his many robes of mystery and charges at Vlaid*
Vlaid: *dodges, then punches Rishid's side*
Rishid: *drops his weapon and falls to ground or something*
Vlaid: *kicks him in the stomach then picks his sword up* You're not a very skilled fighter are you? You could at least try to keep a hold on this.
Rishid: *gets up* FOR MASTER MALIK!! *whips out another sword from his robes of mystery and swings it at Vlaid*
Vlaid: *blocks it with the other sword and pushes it upward breaking it out from Rishid's grasp and send it flying*
Sword: *flying through the air*
Ezekiel: *in the audience eating cracker jacks, sees sword flying towards him* OH MY GOD!! *drops cracker jacks and grabs the person beside him to use as a shield*
Kain: What the fu- *gets stabbed*
Ezekiel: AWGH! *looks down and sees that the sword went through Kain and into him* Damn it to HELL!! *croaks*
BACK TO THE FIGHT...
Rishid: *gets punched in the face and the next thing he knows he has a sword up against his throat*
Vlaid: I could kill you right now... *puts more pressure against Rishid's throat with the sword, drawing some blood*
Rishid: ...Not...not for MASTER MALIK!! *draws another sword from his many robes of mystery and stabs beneath Vlaid's collar bone*
Vlaid: AGH! *cringes in pain and glares at Rishid* That's it for you! *stabs sword through his throat and rips it up through his head before slicing it off, and yelling in rage before slicing his torso open*
Rishid: *falls to pieces*
Announcer: AND WE HAS A WINNER!! Vlaid!
Audience: *goes nuts for the violence*
Vlaid: *breathing heavily, drops the sword and heads back for the meeting hall clutching his wound*
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Jared: That...was...INCREDIBLE!
Sam: Wow, Kaolla, you really pissed him off!
Jared: And that guy in the audience got stabbed with that sword.
Sam: ...Yeaahhh, maybe I shouldn't have cheaped out on protective roofing, but oh well!
Jared: Hey! There's two of them on that sword!
Sam: Really? *presses the zoom in button on the remote and it does so* ...Isn't that Kain?
Jared: ...Hey yeah, it is.
Sam: And Ezekiel too? Man, Vlaid's good.
Jared: But of course those two will come back...well...Kain anyway.
Sam: *shrug* Dante will probably resurrect Ezekiel...again.
Jared: Yup...anyway, one more battle to go, then we can FINALLY post the first part of this sto- I mean, we can start the Quarter Finals!
Sam: ...Exactly.
Vlaid: *walks back into the meeting hall, bleeding from the stab wound he received, and goes to sit down across the room*
Sam: ...I want to see if he's okay, and I don't want to die at the same time... *thinks*
Jared: You do that while I get the last match started...or something.
OUT THERE...
Announcer: Well people, there is only one match left in the preliminaries! And the two final contestants are of course...Najaran and... *thinks* uhh...oh yeah! Hailey!
Audience: *confused murmurs*
Announcer: These chicks! *shows their pictures on the giant television screen*
Audience: *lets out giant unison of ohs*
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Jared: That's right, now get out there and kill each other!
Matthew: Yeah! Hey, can you guys add mud to the arena?
Everyone: *stares*
Matthew: ...What?
Sam: ...Shut up, Matthew.
Jared: No kidding, now get out there you two! *looks on the TV and sees them already there* ...Oh.
OUT THERE...
Announcer: And they are here! *resets timer* Are you ready? 3...2...1...START!
Hailey: Alright, it's time to send you straight to hell!
Najaran: I do the hell sending around here! *runs at her with...that talking stick*
That talking stick: MY NAME IS GOLIGAN! I HAS A MOUSTA-CHE!
Hailey: What the hell? *dodges* That's the stupidest looking weapon I've ever seen, how bout something like this?! *brings out a running chainsaw*
Goligan: SPINNING BLADES!! MY MORTAL ENEMY!
Najaran: Don't worry Goligan, we can take her! *takes out card thing and summons a monster forth...or something*
Hailey: Oh damn, no matter, I'll kill you anyway! *runs and then jumps with running chainsaw* Outta my way ugly! *jumps on the monsters head past it and towards Najaran* HIYAA! *brings down chainsaw*
Najaran: *jumps out of the way as the chainsaw's teeth go into the monster*
Hailey: What the? I thought I told you to get out of my way! *cuts through the monster and is covered with blood* Come on now! Fight already!
Najaran: Hmm she's good Goligan, what are we gonna do?
Goligan: HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! I'M JUST A STICK WITH A FACE AND A MOUSTA-CHE!!
Hailey: I'm tired of that stupid stick, DIE YOU! *runs at them and swings chainsaw*
Goligan: NOOOO!! MY MOUSTA-CHE! *dies*
Najaran: Noo! Goligan! *glares at her* How could you?!
Hailey: What? *stands calmly with running chainsaw* It was just a stick.
Najaran: Goligan wasn't just a stick, he was my friend! I'll kill you! *goes and picks up a sword left by Rishid*
Hailey: Ha ha! Now we're talking! Let's make this interesting! *puts running chainsaw away in her pocket and brings out a double chainsaw and runs at her* DIE BITCH!
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Matthew: This would be so much better with mud.
Jared: Matthew, shut up.
Sam: Yeah, you freak. This is pretty cool, actually. Who would've thought the two people we pretty much knew nothing about would have one of the most interesting fights?
Jared: Yeah.
Sam: I wonder who will win... *continues watching*
Jared: I didn't know you could put a running chainsaw in your pocket...I'M GONNA GO TRY THAT NOW!! *runs off*
Sam: *opens mouth to say something, but shrugs instead* Eh, he's already dead. *goes back to watching the fight*
OUT THERE...
Najaran: *ducks as the blades are swung over her head* I won't let you get away with killing Goligan! *swings sword at Hailey's mid-section*
Hailey: *jumps back and almost gets cut* Heh, almost had me there, you gotta be faster than that!
Najaran: *still swinging sword at her while she dodges*
Hailey: But I got you right here! *swings blades down and cuts Najaran's sword in three pieces*
Najaran: *looks at sword...hilt* ...Oh no...but that doesn't matter! *brings another card out and throws it*
Hailey: *brings the blades down again, cutting the card in two* Is that it?
Najaran: *gasps* Hmm... *looks around*
Hailey: *jumps at her* AHHHH!!!!
Najaran: *dodges and clubs Hailey on the head with Goligan's remains*
Hailey: Ow...Damn you! I'll kill you now! *starts swinging chainsaw like a maniac*
Najaran: *manages to dodge some before getting one of her legs sawn off and screams in pain before falling to the ground*
Hailey: Ah ha! Got you now! *goes up to her* I've never really tested out the killing power of the double chainsaw, so you'll be the first one to die this way! *brings down spinning blades onto Najaran and rips her to pieces...a lot of pieces* There we go all done. *puts double chainsaw back into pocket and makes her way back to meeting hall*
Announcer: ...AMAZING! And Hailey is our victor, ending our preliminary matches! Come back whenever we start our Quarter Finals!
IN THE MEETING HALL...
Jared: THAT IS THE KIND OF DEATHS I LIKE!
Sam: Good for you. *stands up* Finally, the preliminaries are over! Goddamn! And I'm still alive, woo!! *does the Still-Alive dance*
Hailey: *walks back in covered in blood* Hey guys *goes and sits down on couch as if nothing happened*
Sam: Hey man, you're staining the couch. Ahh whatever. *continues the Still-Alive dance*
Jared: You'd better kill whoever your facing next like that, that was awesome.
Sam: No way, Vlaid can kill her, right Vlaid?
Vlaid: Huh? Yeah I guess. *not paying attention*
Jared: Ahh, it's just cause he's your person you think he's so great.
Sam: Says you, you hypocrite! Hailey is YOUR person!
Jared: Exactly. *walks away*
Sam: Well, that was the stupidest argument of the day.
Jared: Or was it?
Sam: Who knows. Anyway, tomorrow we finally start the Quarter Finals...dude, we get to see Gregory fight again!
Jared: Yeah.
Gregory: *scuttles in*
Sam: HI GREGORY.
Gregory: *waves and goes over to the miniature mini fridge for a drink*
Jared: Well, we should get the arena prepared for tomorrow.
Sam: Mhm, we've got some serious upgrades to install. *holds up plans she's been drawing out* I've got it all here...come on Bob, let's go. Everyone should be gone soon.
Jared: Yeah, are you ready to help, Bill?
Bill: STARS.
Jared: Good, we'll start soon.
SOON...
Arena: *is barren*
Audience seats: *barren, except for Ezekiel and Kain, who are both skewered to the chair*
Meeting hall: *everyone is gone except for Bob, Bill, Johnson, Sam, and Jared*
Jared: Alrighty, let's get this over with.
Sam: *wonders if she can get away with playing a recording of the Bob the Builder theme song behind Bob's back while he helps with the new arena*
Bob: *gives her a warning glare* DOOM...
Sam: I wasn't doing anything, I swear! *runs away*
Jared: Yup, make sure this is done by tomorrow, otherwise...no chips for either of you.
Bob: DOOM.
Bill: STARS.
Jared: That's right. *disappears*
Johnson: *stands by wearing a helmet and the supervisor badge of power* HooHWAH!
Bob: DOOM.
Johnson: ...Hoohwah?
Bob: *glares menacingly*
Johnson: HWAH! *cartwheels away and scales the wall to the roof above the announcer's room* Hoohwah. *peeks down fearfully*
To be continued...
ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF DRAGONBALL Z! FREIZA AND CELL JOIN FORCES TO DESTROY OUR HEROES!!
...No, but seriously, more fighting awaits us all. *evil maniacal laughter of DOOM*

Now go and die in your own tournament